Modeling

I've been on a prophetic kick the last couple of posts.  Let me move back over to story telling for a bit.

I have attended more hours of classroom and seminar instruction that I can remember.  In the first year of my Master's program I was assigned 10,000 pages of reading.  As I am filling out job applications I keep remembering more things I have been exposed to.  I know there are some things still rattling around in my brain that haven't come to the fore yet.

Of all the instructions I have "heard" the ones that have stuck with me the most are the things I learned by modeling--watching someone do something.  As I worked with persons in Theotherapy it wasn't the things the participants had learned in class that caused them the problems they were facing.  It was the actions of others (or the lack of actions) that caused the problems--behavior they had seen modeled that they embraced for themselves.

For instance, what did you learn about conflict resolution in your family setting?  Did you observe your parents having a quarrel?  Did they yell and shout at each other or did they clam up and go quietly about their business for the rest of the day...or week...or month.  Were they able to talk out their disagreements, hear each other clearly and resolve the conflict?  Or maybe you never heard your parents have a disagreement.  In that case, you learned (falsely) that couples always get along and don't ever have quarrels.  How realistic is that?

One of the things my Mom used to tell me when I got bored as a kid (before I was able to have a summer job) was that I should go out and watch the birds.  I always thought that was lame and it didn't interest me in the least.  But more importantly, I never saw my mom go out and watch the birds!  What I saw her doing (and doing and doing) was work from dawn until dark.  She was the first one up and the last one to go to bed and she seldom sat down to do anything relaxing.  So when I got bored I was looking for activity!  Give me something to do.

I learned the lesson all too well.  I find it hard to sit down and just do nothing.  I still seldom go out on my deck and watch the birds.  In fact I seldom go out on my deck except to sweep it off, move something around or bring things out and put them away when the season dictates it.

I have learned some great things through modeling.  I watched my Dad tackle home remodeling projects when he hadn't had any instruction from his Dad in how to do things.  I have learned incredible skills in building from some of the best craftsmen I have seen.  They taught me how to lay block, frame houses, hang drywall, finish drywall as I watched them perform their gifts with such skill.  I've also learned how not to do some things but most of those I learned on my own by trial and error.

One of the other most important things I have learned is how to relate to people.  I used to follow my friend Nate Miller around in OH when we first moved there.  He never met a stranger.  It didn't matter how weird or quiet or outgoing they were, he could become their friend in a matter of minutes.  He drug all sorts of kids to his farm to have them work alongside him and impact their lives.  He isn't shy about meeting anyone including thieves.

The rest of that story is that we were camping one time down near Loudonville, OH when someone took off with our coolers.  Nate saw them going and ran after them calling out for them to stop.  He got our cooler back and he also brought back the guys who stole it.  He sat them down and talked to them!  And it was with the kind and gentle instruction of someone who loves you.  I had never seen that before!

I learned anger from others and unlearned most of those responses by watching others.  I've learned how to have a better relationship with my wife from others.  I've learned more about becoming a man of God and walking in my gifting from others who have shown me the way.

I hope you have had positive role models in your life.  If you haven't there is still hope.  I can remember when the book Wild At Heart first fell into my hands.  I longed for some men to show me how to live like the Godly men I read about in Eldredge's book.  The book came into my hands after I had cried out to God for a role model for Godly manhood.  I got the book and then the Father began to bring me examples of Godly men to model my life after.  I was literally taught by the Holy Spirit how to be a Godly man (I am still in need of instruction in that area!).  So don't give up if you don't have a role model for positive behavior.  God can still meet your need.