Today I'm feeling kind of numb.
My task was to go on the usajobs.gov website and apply for some government jobs in the area. I took a nap...then went to get my newspaper. I read the USA Today every day and then I do the puzzles. First the crossword and then the two Sudukos. As is usual for Fridays, I got all the possibilities in the blocks but no solution to the puzzle. I ended up taking a guess on one of the blocks with only two possibilities...and I was wrong.
Wow, then I was tired again and took another nap.
I finally got downstairs before my computer to apply for some jobs. But first I have to do the bookwork. I needed to pay some bills and enter a few transactions that we've done in the last couple of days. That's enough to get someone motivated to get a job seeing the bank account dwindle. Ah, but Pat got paid today.
Gosh, now it was time for lunch. Made my sandwich, gave Rocky a Cheeto, baked so he can keep his slim figure and sat down to eat lunch. Done now...and back to the computer.
I pulled up Management and Program Analyst jobs and then did a search for Project Manager jobs. There were only 1902 in the US for me to look at which I did. All 1902. I focused on two and saved them for further review.
I finally got down to applying for the jobs. Man, can that be intimidating. One was with the IRS. Of course, there were lots of disclaimers about exaggerating your abilities and experiences, lots of new terms that I'm sure explain the simple processes of management that I have performed. But they were cloaked in mystic language to make them seem intimidating.
After filling out the first application and the questions about my experience I filed my application. Let's keep it rolling. On to the next job application where I found I had to use a different website to apply for it. I had to set up a new account and it wouldn't take things quickly from the usajobs.gov site that I had set up with resumes, etc. Another questionnaire and more questions that I think I answered honestly...if I really understood the question.
About 2 1/2 hrs later I am exhausted and done with my two applications.
So why am I numb? Because it looks like I am looking for a job and not something that I can delight in when I go to each day. Is it because I don't know what these jobs will look like? Is it because I don't know the people involved in each of these offices? Is it because I haven't found the right one yet? When will that come and what will it look like? How long will this process go on?
In a lot of ways it would have been easier today to go clean out the shop or wash the truck or take a walk...or anything else other than look for a job. Will the numbness go away?
Friday, November 12, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Belonging
Several years ago when we were traveling with a healing ministry we found ourselves in Nashville, TN for a free evening. We went to see the movie Antwone Fisher. Briefly, the story is about a foster child who was abused, had lost contact with his family and was carrying a lot of anger into his stint in the navy. One of the lead characters, a psychologist played by Denzel Washington, encouraged Antwone to find his family.
After a search, Antwone found his family and was invited home for a banquet where he was welcomed by his extended family...a family he had never known. I was touched deeply by the scene because it hit a wounded spot in my heart.
I thought about that scene again the other day after Pat and I had been in Washington DC with her sister for a couple of days on a weekend. Since we've been adults I don't think the three of us have spent any time like that just hanging out. The crowd has always been bigger and there has been other agenda. On my side of the family we only have a reunion over a short weekend every two years, hardly time to get to know your relatives very well.
In this case, I was the focus of the encounter. My future and the future of my wife were at stake. Jennifer was helping me to put my resume together for some possible government jobs. I value her opinion because she is traveling in that world. She also helped me to work on interviewing skills. I've never been to a high-powered interview before. In most cases I've found my jobs within my network of friends. She grilled me to toughen me up for the stressful face-to-face job interview.
I wasn't sure just what to make of the time the three of us had together. My sister has always lived at great distances from me and we have never spent much time just hanging out. I've had a lot of friends but have always felt a little "outside" of those circles. It was a little difficult for me to get a handle on the fact that someone close to me in my family (that alone is something to get my heart around) would be willing to be my advocate, would be willing to go to bat for me.
Jennifer didn't hold back, didn't patronize me, didn't let me rest easy. She asked me to step up to the plate and consider the experiences that I have had and the expertise I have developed over the years. I believe she really heard me and genuinely encouraged me to consider more than what I have looked for in the past. I guess what made her more believable to me was that she was part of my family, part of the intimate group of people who have seen me at my best and worst.
Belonging to an intimate group of people, who have your back, who will stand with you regardless of the circumstances, who will cheer you on to the greater heights you are meant to soar in...I'm still not sure what that feels like all the time. I catches glimpses of that occasionally, just as I did when Antwone walked into that intimate family gathering and they welcomed him with open arms.
While I may not experience that much in this life, I can look forward to joining the banquet of the Lamb and being part of that intimate family for eternity.
After a search, Antwone found his family and was invited home for a banquet where he was welcomed by his extended family...a family he had never known. I was touched deeply by the scene because it hit a wounded spot in my heart.
I thought about that scene again the other day after Pat and I had been in Washington DC with her sister for a couple of days on a weekend. Since we've been adults I don't think the three of us have spent any time like that just hanging out. The crowd has always been bigger and there has been other agenda. On my side of the family we only have a reunion over a short weekend every two years, hardly time to get to know your relatives very well.
In this case, I was the focus of the encounter. My future and the future of my wife were at stake. Jennifer was helping me to put my resume together for some possible government jobs. I value her opinion because she is traveling in that world. She also helped me to work on interviewing skills. I've never been to a high-powered interview before. In most cases I've found my jobs within my network of friends. She grilled me to toughen me up for the stressful face-to-face job interview.
I wasn't sure just what to make of the time the three of us had together. My sister has always lived at great distances from me and we have never spent much time just hanging out. I've had a lot of friends but have always felt a little "outside" of those circles. It was a little difficult for me to get a handle on the fact that someone close to me in my family (that alone is something to get my heart around) would be willing to be my advocate, would be willing to go to bat for me.
Jennifer didn't hold back, didn't patronize me, didn't let me rest easy. She asked me to step up to the plate and consider the experiences that I have had and the expertise I have developed over the years. I believe she really heard me and genuinely encouraged me to consider more than what I have looked for in the past. I guess what made her more believable to me was that she was part of my family, part of the intimate group of people who have seen me at my best and worst.
Belonging to an intimate group of people, who have your back, who will stand with you regardless of the circumstances, who will cheer you on to the greater heights you are meant to soar in...I'm still not sure what that feels like all the time. I catches glimpses of that occasionally, just as I did when Antwone walked into that intimate family gathering and they welcomed him with open arms.
While I may not experience that much in this life, I can look forward to joining the banquet of the Lamb and being part of that intimate family for eternity.
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