Numbness

Today I'm feeling kind of numb.

My task was to go on the usajobs.gov website and apply for some government jobs in the area.  I took a nap...then went to get my newspaper.  I read the USA Today every day and then I do the puzzles.  First the crossword and then the two Sudukos.  As is usual for Fridays, I got all the possibilities in the blocks but no solution to the puzzle.  I ended up taking a guess on one of the blocks with only two possibilities...and I was wrong.

Wow, then I was tired again and took another nap.

I finally got downstairs before my computer to apply for some jobs.  But first I have to do the bookwork.  I needed to pay some bills and enter a few transactions that we've done in the last couple of days.  That's enough to get someone motivated to get a job seeing the bank account dwindle.  Ah, but Pat got paid today.

Gosh, now it was time for lunch.  Made my sandwich, gave Rocky a Cheeto, baked so he can keep his slim figure and sat down to eat lunch.  Done now...and back to the computer.

I pulled up Management and Program Analyst jobs and then did a search for Project Manager jobs.  There were only 1902 in the US for me to look at which I did.  All 1902.  I focused on two and saved them for further review.

I finally got down to applying for the jobs.  Man, can that be intimidating.  One was with the IRS.  Of course, there were lots of disclaimers about exaggerating your abilities and experiences, lots of new terms that I'm sure explain the simple processes of management that I have performed.  But they were cloaked in mystic language to make them seem intimidating.

After filling out the first application and the questions about my experience I filed my application.  Let's keep it rolling.  On to the next job application where I found I had to use a different website to apply for it.  I had to set up a new account and it wouldn't take things quickly from the usajobs.gov site that I had set up with resumes, etc.  Another questionnaire and more questions that I think I answered honestly...if I really understood the question.

About 2 1/2 hrs later I am exhausted and done with my two applications.

So why am I numb?  Because it looks like I am looking for a job and not something that I can delight in when I go to each day.  Is it because I don't know what these jobs will look like?  Is it because I don't know the people involved in each of these offices?  Is it because I haven't found the right one yet?  When will that come and what will it look like?  How long will this process go on?

In a lot of ways it would have been easier today to go clean out the shop or wash the truck or take a walk...or anything else other than look for a job.  Will the numbness go away?