Wide Open Spaces...scare me!

I can't number the times I have wished I had a week to do this or a week to do that without interruption.  Well, now I've got it and I don't know what to do with it.

There is this nagging that I need to hurry up and get a job so the income will continue to come in.  I need to "do" something.  That's always been easy for me.  I can "do" all day, come away tired and not be sure what I have accomplished.  In fact, sometimes the doing keeps me from facing the nagging questions in my heart.

What is my destiny?  What has God called me to do?  If I were a mechanic I would easily surmise that I was to be working in some type of garage fixing things.  If I were an optometrist, like a close friend of mine, it would seem only logical to help people find sight when they are losing it due to aging, etc.

But what about me?  I have so many interests and skills that I have acquired over the years.  Where do I go with them?  What do I do with the blank slate I have before me right now?

I'm 61 years old, more encumbered than ever before in my life and not because I own new cars or have a Harley.  It just costs more to live that I would like it to.  And moving to some place else might even increase those living expenses.  The fact is my $925 mortgage payment (even though it is for 30 years!) is probably cheaper than we could rent an apartment for.  Someone I know is renting bedrooms in their home for $500 a month and gets more applications than they have bedrooms for.

So what do I do with the wide open spaces?  I'm staring into space.  I'm reading and trying to stay busy.  Being still and listening seems like such an unnoble (I tried ignoble but it didn't seem to work) thing to be doing.  Do I really want to rush to a decision right now and blow it again?  I think I've done that a few times in life.  Do I have the time to really explore what it is that God has called me to...and I haven't settled in to yet?

Oh, yeah, it scares me to have a blank slate!  I'm feeling those baby feelings of fright when first outside the womb and there are no walls to contain me.  Help me to feel the containment of your huge hands, Father, where I am afraid.