In all my years with all my jobs I have never filed unemployment. It was scary to do that online this morning. They referred me to a listing of jobs that were available in the category that I selected--management. But it was very intimidating to realize I need to go out and sell myself to someone who is also trying to sell themselves to me. I don't like the artificial atmosphere that presents.
In the past I've always worked the network of friends and contacts I've had to find a position that fits me. I'll admit to rushing into several situations because of the fear of not having steady income. But here in Lancaster County I really don't have that great a network of friends and associates. In fact, I'm struggling to know who to contact. In some ways that leaves me with only the Father to lean on. It's a new venture to step out in this way and to trust that he knows where he wants me and where I'll land up.
I want to take this time to really explore what is in my heart. It is so easy to just take something and shape yourself to it. It has led to frustration to me at times in the past. I get in a situation and feel that I am tied up, tied down and restricted from doing what I can really do.
I have been likened to a stallion. I can bring life to things but I do it with a lot of kicking, biting and passion along the way. Many people don't know how to deal with a stallion and don't want the wildness so they geld the stallion. That calms him down but also takes away the ability to bring life (John Eldredge).
I want to make a difference in life. I want to impact the world I live in. I want to touch the lives of those I work with. I want to contribute to bettering the world rather than just taking from it. I see so much need but am not sure where to apply my gifts to help meet that need.
On the journey.
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