Pastoring

I'm in a writing mood today...or at least my thoughts have been active this weekend.

I've had two calls recently to consider pastoring churches.  One was here in PA and one in OH.  They weren't inquiries by a committee.  They were phone calls from people who know me and know the hunger in their hearts for their churches to be on the cutting edge.  They know I tend to be out there on the edge and that's where they want to be.

Years ago when I served the Board of Congregational Resources for Lancaster Conference I spent a lot of time in churches encouraging them to reach out to their neighbors and their communities.  I don't think I ever spoke in a church where I didn't attract people who wanted more out of their church experience.  They were hungry for a meaningful, personal relationship with Christ.  They were frustrated by what they were experiencing and hungry for a deeper connection.  They were tired of the conflict over "maintaining" the traditions.  Many told me they would have left their churches if they had known where they could go.

So why don't I jump right into one of those situations?  Because for one thing, my wife would leave me.  Seriously, she bore the brunt of much of the conflict that was directed at me when I pastored before.  I could come home and dump on her what I was experiencing and go away relieved.  She, however, didn't have anyone that she could take the burden to.  She and my kids bore the force of the battle I waged every week in trying to bring the church to growth and to impact our community.  We stood alone even though we had friends in the church.

Secondly, when someone who knows me asks me to consider pastoring again they aren't usually in leadership.  The leadership in most churches is entrenched.  They are focused on making everyone happy and not stirring the pot.  The only way that a pastor can survive if he is a change agent is to have the leadership of the church backing him.  Now don't get scared.  That doesn't mean the pastor has a free hand to do whatever he wants to do, but he needs a supportive group of elders who can back him when the dogs start nipping at your heels.

Thirdly, when people say they want to change they really don't know what they are saying.  As much as they might want to believe they want change when faced with it, it becomes another matter.  Why is that?  Because change takes energy.  Change is hard.  Change upsets the apple cart.  Change confronts you with brokenness in your life that you have kept buried and would like it to remain so.  Change is gut wrenching.  When your sin is exposed it can bring lots of shame from others who don't want theirs exposed.

After leaving my pastorate I went into depression.  I had run out of tricks in my bag to survive.  I was stripped naked of all my emotional supports.  All my brokenness was exposed.  I was on my face. 

By God's grace  I found people who were in the same shape as we were who walked with us through the changes I needed to make.  I needed help and I knew it.  I had been crying out for help but others didn't want to face their need along with me.  When I found a group of people (and it wasn't restricted to my community or my state) I latched on to them.  They were broken and knew it.  They asked for help.  The Father showed up.

It was messy, really messy.  It didn't have anything to do with singing hymns or scripture choruses.  It didn't have anything to do with the color of the nursery.  It didn't matter whether we had chairs or benches to sit on because most of the time we were on the floor crying over the brokenness we knew we had.  We were crying out for mercy from our loving heavenly Father.  We knew there was no other answer to our plight.

We were among people who were violent...toward themselves and others.  Anger was prevalent.  There were ugly sexual issues from infidelity, pornography, pedophilia, masturbation addiction, sexual abuse, sexual addiction and more.  It wasn't your typical Sunday School where we are talking about the baby Moses in the basket.

It's kinda tough to have a regular service that follows a routine each Sunday when you are dealing with the brokenness of people.  It doesn't fit in neat categories and it doesn't understand time restraints.  If I pastored a church again, all hell would break loose.  You know why?  Because the Kingdom of God would be coming and pushing out the darkness.

Do you think I would get past the pastoral search committee?  Probably not.

Right now I am interested in being on the street with others who are looking for help.  I'm still looking to my Father for healing and I will be for the rest of my life.  I know I don't have it all together even though I might look like it sometimes.  I'm tired of the facade--mine and others.  I want real people who are serious about seeing change in our world...starting with me.