I recently finished listening to a book my sister-in-law gave me on CD called Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. After listening to the full set of CDs I was rather discouraged until I listened to the interview at the end of the set and had an insight.
To understand my insight in context I have to tell you a little about the book. Outliers are those things which fall outside the majority of the responses to something. So if you were a anomaly to the rest of the statistics you would be an outlier. Outliers give managers statistics to look at to determine if there is validity to the outlier or if it was just a fluke.
In Gladwell's book he talks about how most professional hockey players were born in the early part of the year. That is because of the cutoff date for kids to play hockey in different leagues. If you were born in December and not January, you would miss the cutoff date and wouldn't have the opportunities to excel in hockey as a kid growing up through the ranks of hockey clubs. You might be a good hockey player but you wouldn't be able to take advantage of the best clubs for your age, have the opportunity to play a lot or attend the best camps. Just the date of your birth would close some of the opportunities for you to develop.
He also used Bill Gates as an example. He was born into a comfortable family and had a unusual opportunity to have access to a computer in 1968 for unlimited time. It was a rare experience. There were universities and professionals who didn't have the exposure to unlimited computer time like he had as a teenager. Others who have excelled in the computing field were born around the same time.
The Beatles spent a number of years playing in German clubs, 8 hours a day, 7 days a week. You have to develop skills as a musician with that much playing time. When they hit the big time they were experienced musicians with way more practice time than most garage bands.
After listening to this book I came away rather discouraged because it left me feeling that if I wasn't born in the right time and had the right opportunities, I was just going to be average.
But the insight that came when listening to the interview at the end of the book changed all that.
Who determines when we are going to be born? If I read the Scriptures correctly we aren't born because of the whim or decision of even our parents. We often hear people talk about "accidents" or "surprise" pregnancies. But the Scriptures refute that. We are born when we are born and to whom we are born at the will of the Father. In fact, to make it more clear He tells us in Ephesians that He thought of us before the foundations of the world. We were not a mistake and our lives are not a random thing. We were born when the Father wanted us to be born.
In carrying that a little farther, the Father determines what experiences we have in life. It is He who exposes us to the opportunities He wants us to have. In fact, even as we exercise our own free will, making decisions that thwart the Father's design on our lives, He can redeem that diversion. He can use it for our good.
So we were born into the family the Father ordained. The experiences we had there, even the bad ones, can shape us and draw us to the Father for redemption of those sins committed against us. Our birth and those life experiences are not random, determined by someone else. They are under the Father's loving control of our lives.
I had to repent this week. I believe God got me the job I have in DC. It didn't come because of someone else's influence or pull. And I'm going to leave DC until the Father takes me out of there. It's not up to someone's whim whether I stay or not. My life is controlled by the Father. He opens the doors and He shuts them. Can someone or something stand in the way of God's will? Of course. But again, He can redeem it. He can open another door.
God provided a place for me to live in the DC area. The guy I am staying with and I first met in...grade school. We were friends in high school and were active in the same church youth group. We kept in touch with each other periodically over the years but I only saw him face-to-face once in 45 years. Now he is providing a home for me and companionship while I have to live away from Pat. Coincidence? I don't think so. His open heart to me was a part of God's provision for me after 50 years.
Our vision of the circumstances of our lives determine how we take advantage of the opportunities. What has the Father exposed you to? What unique experiences have you had that make you an "outlier"? What circumstances has the Father set up just for you to fulfill His call on your life? It's never too late to fulfill His heart's desire for you.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Banquet
One of the hardest parts of walking in a new kingdom is that the surroundings you are in only remind you of the kingdom where you physically reside. Is that the way it's supposed to be? I don't think so. In fact, I know that the Father is always giving us little insights into the eternal kingdom that we are a part of. We just need to watch for them and embrace them when they come.
Recently I was thinking about an experience I had as a kid. I hadn't thought of it in a long time but the Holy Spirit brought it to mind to remind me that the Father is always showing us the kingdom.
I was telling someone about my parents on Fri. My mom was one of 13 and my father was an only child. Yes, that means conflict and lots of it. Both of them were raised in poverty with a few different twists. My dad actually stood in soup lines as a child during the depression. His father had died in a mining accident when he was only 2. So his mother, a widow with $4,000 to continue with, bought a lot and built a house. There she raised a garden and chickens in a shed so that they had food.
My mom only got a new pair of shoes once a year. The other day she told me how she was going to give a report in school and her mother sent her to the store to buy a new dress...with $2. She found two for $2 and couldn't decide which one to wear. Any way, her life was a little bit less poor than my father's. She lived on a dairy farm. So they had milk, eggs, chickens, a garden and plenty to eat without standing in the soup lines.
After college, my mom and dad moved away from home to Louisville, the big city, to escape the 20-25% unemployment that offered few good jobs.
Dad got steady employment for a whopping $240 per month with the phone company. My mom pinched pennies and over the years saved money out of her grocery budget through wise spending.
Somewhere she got the idea that she was going to expose my sister and I to what she had never experienced. Dad did the same, but in a different way. I'll focus on mom in this blog.
With the savings from her grocery money and infrequent Christmas gifts from my father she acquired a set of china and a full set of real silverware...not stainless steel like we have had all our married life. On summer vacations when we went through Wheeling, WV she gathered together a collection of Fenton Glass seconds. We couldn't afford the firsts. But it was still real crystal.
There's a difference between plain glass and crystal. For one thing, the glasses are more delicate, break easier and certainly don't ever see the insides of a dishwasher. And if you stir the sugar in your ice tea you can't crack the tea spoon on the side of the glass without serious consequences. For me, death was threatened.
My mom from some place deep inside her wanted to teach both my sister and myself how to be comfortable in any setting where we might find ourselves. In order to do that, she set the table on Sundays for dinner with the best china, the real silverware and the crystal glasses, all with a tablecloth and real napkins. We were to be on our best manners. Napkin on our laps, elbows off the table and no clinking the tea spoon on the crystal.
She also taught us how to ask for our food to be passed to us...politely. She taught us how to eat with our mouths closed. No burping, slurping or smacking of lips. We also learned which utensil to use for which occasion. If you've ever been to a formal banquet you know that the typical place setting has about 6-8 different utensils for the different courses of the meal.
Besides the table settings we also had some different dinner fare. We had fried ham, pinto beans, cabbage, cornbread and other normal dishes for the rest of the week. But on Sundays she pulled out the stops. We had fried oysters, lobster tail and other delicacies. Believe me, these weren't typical foods on either of their tables at home as kids.
But as I thought about that over the last couple of weeks here's the message that came to me. When we talk about being invited to the marriage feast of the Lamb or to the Father's banqueting table what does it look like? Based on the carry-ins we've had at our churches and with friends it probably was eaten on Styrofoam plates with clear plastic cups and throw-away utensils. The table cloth was paper or plastic and there were few restrictions on how you were to eat or how much. The fare was hot dog and bean casserole, pickles and jello.
So when the Father talks about us being invited to the marriage feast or banquet what image do you suppose we get? China, linen napkins and crystal? Probably not. Is it any wonder that we don't look forward to that feast any more (or maybe even less) than the next church carry-in?
The Father showed me what it was going to be like. He's going to set the table with the best china, real silverware and with un-flawed crystal. The fare will be the richest delicacies that we can imagine (and we won't have to worry about gaining weight! Can you say "Amen!") He'll bring out the best wine first and serve it throughout the banquet. We will be able to eat our fill and the company will be unparallelled.
Isn't it time we start having meals with each other to celebrate the banquet we are all invited to that resemble more what we are going to have? Break out the best...and invite those from the highways and biways to join us so they understand the hope that we have and what we are looking forward to. And so that we better understand it as well.
Recently I was thinking about an experience I had as a kid. I hadn't thought of it in a long time but the Holy Spirit brought it to mind to remind me that the Father is always showing us the kingdom.
I was telling someone about my parents on Fri. My mom was one of 13 and my father was an only child. Yes, that means conflict and lots of it. Both of them were raised in poverty with a few different twists. My dad actually stood in soup lines as a child during the depression. His father had died in a mining accident when he was only 2. So his mother, a widow with $4,000 to continue with, bought a lot and built a house. There she raised a garden and chickens in a shed so that they had food.
My mom only got a new pair of shoes once a year. The other day she told me how she was going to give a report in school and her mother sent her to the store to buy a new dress...with $2. She found two for $2 and couldn't decide which one to wear. Any way, her life was a little bit less poor than my father's. She lived on a dairy farm. So they had milk, eggs, chickens, a garden and plenty to eat without standing in the soup lines.
After college, my mom and dad moved away from home to Louisville, the big city, to escape the 20-25% unemployment that offered few good jobs.
Dad got steady employment for a whopping $240 per month with the phone company. My mom pinched pennies and over the years saved money out of her grocery budget through wise spending.
Somewhere she got the idea that she was going to expose my sister and I to what she had never experienced. Dad did the same, but in a different way. I'll focus on mom in this blog.
With the savings from her grocery money and infrequent Christmas gifts from my father she acquired a set of china and a full set of real silverware...not stainless steel like we have had all our married life. On summer vacations when we went through Wheeling, WV she gathered together a collection of Fenton Glass seconds. We couldn't afford the firsts. But it was still real crystal.
There's a difference between plain glass and crystal. For one thing, the glasses are more delicate, break easier and certainly don't ever see the insides of a dishwasher. And if you stir the sugar in your ice tea you can't crack the tea spoon on the side of the glass without serious consequences. For me, death was threatened.
My mom from some place deep inside her wanted to teach both my sister and myself how to be comfortable in any setting where we might find ourselves. In order to do that, she set the table on Sundays for dinner with the best china, the real silverware and the crystal glasses, all with a tablecloth and real napkins. We were to be on our best manners. Napkin on our laps, elbows off the table and no clinking the tea spoon on the crystal.
She also taught us how to ask for our food to be passed to us...politely. She taught us how to eat with our mouths closed. No burping, slurping or smacking of lips. We also learned which utensil to use for which occasion. If you've ever been to a formal banquet you know that the typical place setting has about 6-8 different utensils for the different courses of the meal.
Besides the table settings we also had some different dinner fare. We had fried ham, pinto beans, cabbage, cornbread and other normal dishes for the rest of the week. But on Sundays she pulled out the stops. We had fried oysters, lobster tail and other delicacies. Believe me, these weren't typical foods on either of their tables at home as kids.
But as I thought about that over the last couple of weeks here's the message that came to me. When we talk about being invited to the marriage feast of the Lamb or to the Father's banqueting table what does it look like? Based on the carry-ins we've had at our churches and with friends it probably was eaten on Styrofoam plates with clear plastic cups and throw-away utensils. The table cloth was paper or plastic and there were few restrictions on how you were to eat or how much. The fare was hot dog and bean casserole, pickles and jello.
So when the Father talks about us being invited to the marriage feast or banquet what image do you suppose we get? China, linen napkins and crystal? Probably not. Is it any wonder that we don't look forward to that feast any more (or maybe even less) than the next church carry-in?
The Father showed me what it was going to be like. He's going to set the table with the best china, real silverware and with un-flawed crystal. The fare will be the richest delicacies that we can imagine (and we won't have to worry about gaining weight! Can you say "Amen!") He'll bring out the best wine first and serve it throughout the banquet. We will be able to eat our fill and the company will be unparallelled.
Isn't it time we start having meals with each other to celebrate the banquet we are all invited to that resemble more what we are going to have? Break out the best...and invite those from the highways and biways to join us so they understand the hope that we have and what we are looking forward to. And so that we better understand it as well.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Two to Tango
Thoughts become clear in my head sometimes as I drive along. I'm not even aware that I am thinking or formulating anything until it comes clear and then the words begin to flow.
That happened to me on Thurs night as I was approaching home after an almost 5 hr drive in traffic getting out of DC. It takes two to tango.
I was thinking that in relationship to my marriage to Pat. She is enduring separation from me and me from her during this time of transition in our lives. It is difficult but we are equally sharing the load. My wife isn't crying like a baby and making it all about her. It is about both of us...and so is our marriage.
As a pastor there was a time in my serving that I was dealing with 5 women who were in difficult marriage situations, in some cases leading up to divorce. The men were absent. With the exception of one of the husbands, none of them wanted to work with the challenges of their marriages and get help. With the one who did want help I'm afraid to say that I didn't offer him much. I blew that one.
I have often said that Pat and I didn't end up statistics because of the grace of God. In His graciousness He always provided the help we needed when we cried out for it.
But I would be remiss if I didn't mention another element of what made and continues to make it work. That's the exercise of our wills. We have and have had free choice in our marriage. We have both reached crossroads in our relationship when, had we exercised our free wills, could have parted company and gone our separate ways.
However, we made a vow when we married. For better or worse. In sickness and health. For richer or poorer. I emphasize the "WE". I didn't make that vow alone and neither did Pat. We both made that vow and we didn't expect the other one to carry all the weight of that commitment.
When young couples ask how we have lasted so long I start with commitment. We made the commitment to each other that we would work it out. That's been hard. There have been so many times that we were at our wits end. There seemed to be no solutions or help in sorting out the conflicts we were experiencing. We cried out to God...and we got on the phone, asked our friends and sought counsel anywhere we could look. Until we found what God was offering. The commitment was there. We were going to make it work no matter what.
I wasn't always a willing participant to that commitment. In fact, and I redden when I think of this, when Pat first suggested that we needed counseling I offered to help her because I didn't have a problem. Yes, that is arrogance (and ignorance) at its best. I was brought to reality when she said that I was the problem. How's that reflect on your credentials?
So I had to yield to the fact from the one who was committed to me that I had a problem that needed some outside intervention. I had to exercise my will and put aside my self-protection and dive into my brokenness.
That brings up another point. We committed to communication. That's another hard one. I was good at communicating (or running off at the mouth). Pat was shut down by that exercise on my part. I had to learn to give her time to formulate her thoughts and express them to me. That's for another blog. We had to have a neutral zone where we could communicate safely what was really bothering us without taking offense in what was said.
Lastly, we've had to share equally in the responsibilities of our relationship. The scales haven't always been balanced. Sometimes I have yielded and carried the weight of our relationship while Pat was working through something. And far more times she has carried the weight while I worked through something. But it has evened out over the course of 40 years.
And that's where I come to with "It takes two to tango." If you don't have a partner who is willing to work through the difficulties of your relationship is there hope? There is always hope but the practical facts are that sometimes one of the partners in the relationship doesn't think they have a problem and refuses to get help. There's not much you can do about that. You can't make them face their issues. You can't drag them to get help. They have to exercise their own free will, lay down their selfish focus and come willingly to the table to get help. Unfortunately, that doesn't always happen. More often than not the struggling partner replies like I did that I didn't (and they don't) have a problem.
It comes down to this point--Do you want to make your relationship work? If so, can you lay aside your self-preservation and admit you need some resources you don't have? Can you yield to your partner and join the dance of working out the steps so that you don't continue to step on each other toes?
We all need grace in our relationships but we also need the exercise of our wills to make it happen. It takes two...
That happened to me on Thurs night as I was approaching home after an almost 5 hr drive in traffic getting out of DC. It takes two to tango.
I was thinking that in relationship to my marriage to Pat. She is enduring separation from me and me from her during this time of transition in our lives. It is difficult but we are equally sharing the load. My wife isn't crying like a baby and making it all about her. It is about both of us...and so is our marriage.
As a pastor there was a time in my serving that I was dealing with 5 women who were in difficult marriage situations, in some cases leading up to divorce. The men were absent. With the exception of one of the husbands, none of them wanted to work with the challenges of their marriages and get help. With the one who did want help I'm afraid to say that I didn't offer him much. I blew that one.
I have often said that Pat and I didn't end up statistics because of the grace of God. In His graciousness He always provided the help we needed when we cried out for it.
But I would be remiss if I didn't mention another element of what made and continues to make it work. That's the exercise of our wills. We have and have had free choice in our marriage. We have both reached crossroads in our relationship when, had we exercised our free wills, could have parted company and gone our separate ways.
However, we made a vow when we married. For better or worse. In sickness and health. For richer or poorer. I emphasize the "WE". I didn't make that vow alone and neither did Pat. We both made that vow and we didn't expect the other one to carry all the weight of that commitment.
When young couples ask how we have lasted so long I start with commitment. We made the commitment to each other that we would work it out. That's been hard. There have been so many times that we were at our wits end. There seemed to be no solutions or help in sorting out the conflicts we were experiencing. We cried out to God...and we got on the phone, asked our friends and sought counsel anywhere we could look. Until we found what God was offering. The commitment was there. We were going to make it work no matter what.
I wasn't always a willing participant to that commitment. In fact, and I redden when I think of this, when Pat first suggested that we needed counseling I offered to help her because I didn't have a problem. Yes, that is arrogance (and ignorance) at its best. I was brought to reality when she said that I was the problem. How's that reflect on your credentials?
So I had to yield to the fact from the one who was committed to me that I had a problem that needed some outside intervention. I had to exercise my will and put aside my self-protection and dive into my brokenness.
That brings up another point. We committed to communication. That's another hard one. I was good at communicating (or running off at the mouth). Pat was shut down by that exercise on my part. I had to learn to give her time to formulate her thoughts and express them to me. That's for another blog. We had to have a neutral zone where we could communicate safely what was really bothering us without taking offense in what was said.
Lastly, we've had to share equally in the responsibilities of our relationship. The scales haven't always been balanced. Sometimes I have yielded and carried the weight of our relationship while Pat was working through something. And far more times she has carried the weight while I worked through something. But it has evened out over the course of 40 years.
And that's where I come to with "It takes two to tango." If you don't have a partner who is willing to work through the difficulties of your relationship is there hope? There is always hope but the practical facts are that sometimes one of the partners in the relationship doesn't think they have a problem and refuses to get help. There's not much you can do about that. You can't make them face their issues. You can't drag them to get help. They have to exercise their own free will, lay down their selfish focus and come willingly to the table to get help. Unfortunately, that doesn't always happen. More often than not the struggling partner replies like I did that I didn't (and they don't) have a problem.
It comes down to this point--Do you want to make your relationship work? If so, can you lay aside your self-preservation and admit you need some resources you don't have? Can you yield to your partner and join the dance of working out the steps so that you don't continue to step on each other toes?
We all need grace in our relationships but we also need the exercise of our wills to make it happen. It takes two...
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Adults
I continue to see and hear about people in places of responsibility who are offended when someone challenges some of their conclusions or suggests another way of doing things. The reaction is not spiritual, professional or any other descriptive word you might use in your expectations of interactions with adults.
That's because we aren't dealing with adults...but merely children in maturing bodies. We are dealing with individuals who are stuck back in their selfish, me-only childhoods where they didn't receive all they were designed for. We are dealing with older (chronologically) people who are still looking for their affirmations and value from how others treat them. They are applying solutions to their relationships that worked with they were a child but don't fit at all in the world of adults.
You've seen it. Pouting. Holding on to an "offense". Manipulation. Wanting things "my way" and only my way.
Paul admonished the early Christians to put away childish things. He wasn't talking about ceasing to sing songs like Jesus Loves Me. Or getting a Thompson chain reference Bible rather than continuing to carry your picture Bible. Or giving more than a quarter in the offering plate. He was talking about the way we relate to others, among many other behaviors that we needed to give up.
I've seen so many people in business settings who continue to act as if they were 5 years old. One of my colleagues that I've written about is still in a snit about something I said to affirm one of the others in the office. He became offended when I didn't tell him what an incredible individual he was. That was months ago and the ice still hangs on his words. He didn't get the affirmation his heart longed for when he was a child and he is still looking for it in his business setting. The problem is I didn't expect to have that reaction from him when I hadn't heard him say "wah, wah, wah".
As I learned many years ago you and I were designed for an unconditional love of a Father. We were created with a need to be nurtured, comforted and contained. Most of us didn't get that. We were probably well fed, clothed and disciplined. But even if we were active in church all our lives few of us were given the opportunity to examine our immaturity of emotions, our deepest needs, the hunger of our hearts.
I realize more and more every day how incredibly blessed I am to have found a place and learned to know my Father in a more intimate way so that I could have many (not all yet!) of those needs met. I learned how willing the Father is to meet my needs. I learned that He doesn't expect me to just read black words on a white page (the Bible) and learn to know Him. I got to hang out with Him and others who were in His presence.
This is such a contrast to what we experience in our churches. We mature in our physical bodies (and then they begin to break down). We are intellectually encouraged to become depositories of Biblical knowledge (without application to our deepest needs). We are called to "serve" others when the only motivation that we really have to do so is to get our needs met. Much of what I see offered as Christian service is really all about the individual who is serving and not about those being served.
How do we mature in our souls? We put aside childish things. We forgive those who didn't give us all we needed or were designed for. We lay down our immature ways of trying to get back at others who don't give us what we need. We confess our sin of looking to other gods to fill the deepest cries of our hearts. We put aside all the hindrances that stand in the way of seeing the Father clearly.
That may be for a time giving up reading the Scriptures, especially if they are a dead letter to you and your heart isn't in reading. It may be in giving up "doing" so much Christian ministry and focusing on "being" with the Father. It may be in looking for others...wherever they may be found...who have a heart hunger for intimacy with the Father. Who want to grow up from their selfish needs and expectations.
Back to the guy in my office. I could respond to his ice with ice of my own. That sounds mature doesn't it? No, what the Father has called me to do is to love him. How do I love him if I am expecting him to meet my needs by affirming me? What if he doesn't have the capacity to love me? What if his well is dry and he is thirsty for someone to love him for who he is and not what he can do?
I can love him by not responding to him in kind. I can continue to overlook his immaturity and try to reach the hurting individual within. I can continue to reach out to him in spite of his rejection. By allowing him to reject me who by God's grace won't reject him in kind he is exposed to the unconditional love of the Father that I have received. I wouldn't have it to give if I hadn't received it.
I still have some childish ways to give up. I want everyone to love me...but they don't. I want everyone to treat me with respect, especially on the road...but they don't. I have to discipline myself to reach out to the Father when I am rejected and receive from Him the unconditional love I need at that moment. He stands ready at every moment to give us all we need...so that we can give it to others who haven't received.
That's because we aren't dealing with adults...but merely children in maturing bodies. We are dealing with individuals who are stuck back in their selfish, me-only childhoods where they didn't receive all they were designed for. We are dealing with older (chronologically) people who are still looking for their affirmations and value from how others treat them. They are applying solutions to their relationships that worked with they were a child but don't fit at all in the world of adults.
You've seen it. Pouting. Holding on to an "offense". Manipulation. Wanting things "my way" and only my way.
Paul admonished the early Christians to put away childish things. He wasn't talking about ceasing to sing songs like Jesus Loves Me. Or getting a Thompson chain reference Bible rather than continuing to carry your picture Bible. Or giving more than a quarter in the offering plate. He was talking about the way we relate to others, among many other behaviors that we needed to give up.
I've seen so many people in business settings who continue to act as if they were 5 years old. One of my colleagues that I've written about is still in a snit about something I said to affirm one of the others in the office. He became offended when I didn't tell him what an incredible individual he was. That was months ago and the ice still hangs on his words. He didn't get the affirmation his heart longed for when he was a child and he is still looking for it in his business setting. The problem is I didn't expect to have that reaction from him when I hadn't heard him say "wah, wah, wah".
As I learned many years ago you and I were designed for an unconditional love of a Father. We were created with a need to be nurtured, comforted and contained. Most of us didn't get that. We were probably well fed, clothed and disciplined. But even if we were active in church all our lives few of us were given the opportunity to examine our immaturity of emotions, our deepest needs, the hunger of our hearts.
I realize more and more every day how incredibly blessed I am to have found a place and learned to know my Father in a more intimate way so that I could have many (not all yet!) of those needs met. I learned how willing the Father is to meet my needs. I learned that He doesn't expect me to just read black words on a white page (the Bible) and learn to know Him. I got to hang out with Him and others who were in His presence.
This is such a contrast to what we experience in our churches. We mature in our physical bodies (and then they begin to break down). We are intellectually encouraged to become depositories of Biblical knowledge (without application to our deepest needs). We are called to "serve" others when the only motivation that we really have to do so is to get our needs met. Much of what I see offered as Christian service is really all about the individual who is serving and not about those being served.
How do we mature in our souls? We put aside childish things. We forgive those who didn't give us all we needed or were designed for. We lay down our immature ways of trying to get back at others who don't give us what we need. We confess our sin of looking to other gods to fill the deepest cries of our hearts. We put aside all the hindrances that stand in the way of seeing the Father clearly.
That may be for a time giving up reading the Scriptures, especially if they are a dead letter to you and your heart isn't in reading. It may be in giving up "doing" so much Christian ministry and focusing on "being" with the Father. It may be in looking for others...wherever they may be found...who have a heart hunger for intimacy with the Father. Who want to grow up from their selfish needs and expectations.
Back to the guy in my office. I could respond to his ice with ice of my own. That sounds mature doesn't it? No, what the Father has called me to do is to love him. How do I love him if I am expecting him to meet my needs by affirming me? What if he doesn't have the capacity to love me? What if his well is dry and he is thirsty for someone to love him for who he is and not what he can do?
I can love him by not responding to him in kind. I can continue to overlook his immaturity and try to reach the hurting individual within. I can continue to reach out to him in spite of his rejection. By allowing him to reject me who by God's grace won't reject him in kind he is exposed to the unconditional love of the Father that I have received. I wouldn't have it to give if I hadn't received it.
I still have some childish ways to give up. I want everyone to love me...but they don't. I want everyone to treat me with respect, especially on the road...but they don't. I have to discipline myself to reach out to the Father when I am rejected and receive from Him the unconditional love I need at that moment. He stands ready at every moment to give us all we need...so that we can give it to others who haven't received.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Customer Service
I'm in the customer service business. I serve the people who serve the veterans in receiving their benefits. What I do makes a difference in how the veterans are ultimately served. I delight in getting answer back to those who ask me questions in as fast a time as I can. I want to delight them with my response. Surprise them with it's speed and thoroughness.
We are all in the customer service business. Even if you don't serve in a traditional customer oriented business you serve customers in whatever capacity you are working or volunteering. As followers of Christ we are to serve those with whom we occupy this planet.
I had some experiences recently with my doctor's office that led me to remember the last time I had really good customer service. It was in contrast to what I got from the family practice where I go for care. I got a card last weekend from my doctor's office. It said my blood work was normal and the xrays on the knee that brings me excruciating pain on occasion was normal. What is "normal"? Is the pain I am experiencing normal? Oh, by the way, I didn't have my blood drawn until the Mon after I got the card on Sat saying the blood work was normal. I don't even know where to begin on how that is possible.
About mid week I got the chance to call the doctor's office. When I mentioned that my knee is still extremely painful on occasion even though my xrays were "normal" I said that I wanted to get an MRI. Well, it before asking me anything she said that I would need to come in for another appointment to have the doctor write me an order for an MRI. Well, okay, if that's the case I can come in on Sat. No, she replied, we don't take routine visits like that on Sat. I work out of town all week, I said and that's the only time I can get in. She'd have to check with the doctor. Oh, by the way, I told her that the doctor had suggested that if the xrays were normal that he would write me an order for an MRI. She hadn't bothered to ask me about that. She just assumed that I would need to make another appointment.
I got some customer service. The doctor actually called me back in about 10 minutes. He went over my blood work that was back by then, for real, and then told me he would write me an order for an MRI. I should call back later that day or the next to find out when it was scheduled. Well, I got busy and made the call on Sat.
The doctor's office is open on Sat but they apparently don't work that day. The gal who answered the phone couldn't tell me when my MRI was scheduled (and I haven't received a phone call informing me of it yet either). She said that my doctor who ordered it wasn't in today and I'd have to call back on Mon. Can't you tell me the schedule? Well, do I know who the nurse was who made the call? I didn't have a clue. So I have to call back again Mon...when someone is working who knows what is happening.
Now let me contrast that with a call I made to my health care provider. When they couldn't find me in the system they put me on hold and called Washington to find out where my healthcare application was. The gal was pleasant, did all the work for me and asked me when she was done if there was anything else I needed help with. Now, that is briefly what customer service is all about. She was determined to make sure all my questions were answered. She didn't suggest that I call Washington and find out what was going on. She did it right there for me.
I felt like I mattered in the last conversation. I didn't have to beg to have my needs met. The effort was made by the person I called. With the doctor's office, I was the one who had to do all the leg work. The person on the phone didn't have the answer so I needed to call back again some time and risk getting someone else who didn't know the answer either. I was also supposed to alter my schedule to fit their schedule. My convenience wasn't the most important. There's was.
What makes good customer service? It's when the person you are dealing with takes your needs into consideration and serves them with joy and professionalism. They aren't thinking of themselves but they are thinking of you the customer who has a need that they can meet. How often do you run into someone who obviously is more concerned about their needs than yours? Another way of saying that is how often to you run into someone who's job depends on serving you but it's clearly apparent they are thinking only of the inconvience you are bringing into their lives?
As followers of Christ, what should our customer service look like? Well, to start with it should focus on the person we are serving. That's hard to do when you are still self-centered or in so much pain yourself that you don't have any energy to serve someone else. Is there a solution to that? How about going to church more often, reading your Bible earlier in the morning or tithing more? Do those work for you?
They don't work for me. What has helped me get my focus off myself is the unconditional love I have received from my Father. He loves me and responds to my every need. When I came to Him broken and admitting my woundedness and self-centeredness, He responded with loving care, healing my heart and pouring into me the oil I needed to soothe my wounded heart. As I have received from Him, I have the capacity to love others more than myself and to be ready to serve them when they are only focused on their pain and their needs.
You can't learn that kind of customer service in a seminar. It has to be in the presence of the One who loves us abundantly. Have you received that? Have you experienced the deep love of Someone who is looking out for your needs and your best interests? When and if you have, you are able to give to others what you have received yourself. If you haven't really received it, then you aren't going to be able to keep up the facade of caring very long. In fact, that's called doing it in the flesh and not the Spirit.
I need more of the Father and I need more of those who are seeking Him with their whole hearts. I need the fellowship of those who are seeking to provide customer service to the world we are living in. They aren't getting enough of it...even from Christian businesses. Join with me and let's change that.
We are all in the customer service business. Even if you don't serve in a traditional customer oriented business you serve customers in whatever capacity you are working or volunteering. As followers of Christ we are to serve those with whom we occupy this planet.
I had some experiences recently with my doctor's office that led me to remember the last time I had really good customer service. It was in contrast to what I got from the family practice where I go for care. I got a card last weekend from my doctor's office. It said my blood work was normal and the xrays on the knee that brings me excruciating pain on occasion was normal. What is "normal"? Is the pain I am experiencing normal? Oh, by the way, I didn't have my blood drawn until the Mon after I got the card on Sat saying the blood work was normal. I don't even know where to begin on how that is possible.
About mid week I got the chance to call the doctor's office. When I mentioned that my knee is still extremely painful on occasion even though my xrays were "normal" I said that I wanted to get an MRI. Well, it before asking me anything she said that I would need to come in for another appointment to have the doctor write me an order for an MRI. Well, okay, if that's the case I can come in on Sat. No, she replied, we don't take routine visits like that on Sat. I work out of town all week, I said and that's the only time I can get in. She'd have to check with the doctor. Oh, by the way, I told her that the doctor had suggested that if the xrays were normal that he would write me an order for an MRI. She hadn't bothered to ask me about that. She just assumed that I would need to make another appointment.
I got some customer service. The doctor actually called me back in about 10 minutes. He went over my blood work that was back by then, for real, and then told me he would write me an order for an MRI. I should call back later that day or the next to find out when it was scheduled. Well, I got busy and made the call on Sat.
The doctor's office is open on Sat but they apparently don't work that day. The gal who answered the phone couldn't tell me when my MRI was scheduled (and I haven't received a phone call informing me of it yet either). She said that my doctor who ordered it wasn't in today and I'd have to call back on Mon. Can't you tell me the schedule? Well, do I know who the nurse was who made the call? I didn't have a clue. So I have to call back again Mon...when someone is working who knows what is happening.
Now let me contrast that with a call I made to my health care provider. When they couldn't find me in the system they put me on hold and called Washington to find out where my healthcare application was. The gal was pleasant, did all the work for me and asked me when she was done if there was anything else I needed help with. Now, that is briefly what customer service is all about. She was determined to make sure all my questions were answered. She didn't suggest that I call Washington and find out what was going on. She did it right there for me.
I felt like I mattered in the last conversation. I didn't have to beg to have my needs met. The effort was made by the person I called. With the doctor's office, I was the one who had to do all the leg work. The person on the phone didn't have the answer so I needed to call back again some time and risk getting someone else who didn't know the answer either. I was also supposed to alter my schedule to fit their schedule. My convenience wasn't the most important. There's was.
What makes good customer service? It's when the person you are dealing with takes your needs into consideration and serves them with joy and professionalism. They aren't thinking of themselves but they are thinking of you the customer who has a need that they can meet. How often do you run into someone who obviously is more concerned about their needs than yours? Another way of saying that is how often to you run into someone who's job depends on serving you but it's clearly apparent they are thinking only of the inconvience you are bringing into their lives?
As followers of Christ, what should our customer service look like? Well, to start with it should focus on the person we are serving. That's hard to do when you are still self-centered or in so much pain yourself that you don't have any energy to serve someone else. Is there a solution to that? How about going to church more often, reading your Bible earlier in the morning or tithing more? Do those work for you?
They don't work for me. What has helped me get my focus off myself is the unconditional love I have received from my Father. He loves me and responds to my every need. When I came to Him broken and admitting my woundedness and self-centeredness, He responded with loving care, healing my heart and pouring into me the oil I needed to soothe my wounded heart. As I have received from Him, I have the capacity to love others more than myself and to be ready to serve them when they are only focused on their pain and their needs.
You can't learn that kind of customer service in a seminar. It has to be in the presence of the One who loves us abundantly. Have you received that? Have you experienced the deep love of Someone who is looking out for your needs and your best interests? When and if you have, you are able to give to others what you have received yourself. If you haven't really received it, then you aren't going to be able to keep up the facade of caring very long. In fact, that's called doing it in the flesh and not the Spirit.
I need more of the Father and I need more of those who are seeking Him with their whole hearts. I need the fellowship of those who are seeking to provide customer service to the world we are living in. They aren't getting enough of it...even from Christian businesses. Join with me and let's change that.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Unique
This week during a leadership class I had the opportunity to speak for 2 minutes on a topic that was suggested. We'd talked about the breakup of the Soviet Union, taxes and a variety of other topics. Mine came up when we began to talk about how the educational system was geared toward manufacturing students.
Early in my life of following Christ I came across the familiar Proverb about training up a child in the way they should go and when they are old they won't depart from it. For me, it was like cramming me in a box that I didn't fit in and expecting me to stay there for the rest of my life...especially if it was "beaten" into me.
But I have seen another interpretation that I believe more reflects the heart of God. And I wish I had done a better job of raising my kids this way. That is, to discover the unique way my Father created me, my kids and everyone around me, bless that uniqueness and then encourage it in any way that I can. I wish the church was doing a better job of that method but that's for another blog.
So how did we get to where we are in the eduction system in America? We were once an agrarian society based on the farm. We lived together as extended families, worked side by side with those with the same DNA and learned life and our skill set from them. As we transitioned into the industrial era we needed to adapt people to a rigid schedule, arriving at the same time each morning to do the same task alongside others moving in the same direction.
On the farm that wasn't necessary. It didn't matter when you did your chores each day. Your schedule and the creative way you fulfilled your duties didn't really interfere with anyone else except those you lived with. But you can't run a factory with people showing up at different times. Everyone has to be there at the same time and work until the same time each day to be able to run an assembly line.
The school system was born about this time...to educate people in how to all show up at the same time and do the same task each day. (See Toffler's The Third Wave for more on this)
We started in that manufacturing mentality and we're still stuck in it, I don't care how much you tout what we are doing as a new program. No Child Left Behind just focused the outcome on manufacturing students to build the same thing...answers to a standardized test.
But we are unique...each one of us. We learn differently. At least three ways according to the "experts"...visually, auditorilly and kinetically. We learn by seeing, by hearing and by doing. So how do we stick a pile of kids (and the pile is getting bigger in each classroom as cutbacks occur) in a classroom and teach them all the same way successfully? We don't. Add to that the fact that we have "gifted" students, students with IEPs (Individual Educational Plans) and those who don't demand attention on either end of the spectrum and get lost in the middle.
I heard about a book this week called Organization for Creative People (don't quote me on that title-it's something like that) that was written so you could pick up the book, start in any chapter and read any chapter next. I loved it. It reminds me of Pat and how she would read the end of the book before she read other parts of it to see if it was worth reading. That was like scratching on a blackboard to me. I've got to read the Foreword, Introduction, Preface and Chapter 1 all in the right order. GOSH!
One of my colleagues in the class told how her two oldest were sons and they excelled in academics. Her daughter, however, was cut out of a different mold. She announced to her mother that she was a "C" student at best and don't expect her to do any better. Oh, did I say she was 13 when she announced this? Well, she didn't let that hold her back. She started a dance studio in their basement. Got the parents to sign contracts and pay her money to teach their children. Hired a dance instructor out of the money and a backup in case she couldn't be there. The parents came to the house and by passed the mom to see the daughter about their child's dancing lessons. I told the mom...don't change anything! You are doing it right.
Another colleague added the comment that education really should start in the home and be done primarily by the parents. That sounds like a revolutionary idea (and one that's been around before--think farm life from above).
How long are we going to try to manufacture people--in the home, the schools and the work place? When are we going to treat each one as an individual, discover with the help of the Father their unique place in life and encourage that so that they can fulfill the calling God has on them? We are not all alike and the world needs all of us in our unique way to contribute to the well-being of others. PS I love all of my friends--left-wing tree huggers and right wing wackos.
Are your kids different from other kids you know? Is your spouse different than you are? Are your co-workers and neighbors cut out of the same pattern? Can we make them all alike? God help us...not to!
Take time to find out what makes each person around you unique. Celebrate their uniqueness. Encourage them to explore and test the limits of their gifting and abilities. And rejoice with the Father in how all of us are unique.
Early in my life of following Christ I came across the familiar Proverb about training up a child in the way they should go and when they are old they won't depart from it. For me, it was like cramming me in a box that I didn't fit in and expecting me to stay there for the rest of my life...especially if it was "beaten" into me.
But I have seen another interpretation that I believe more reflects the heart of God. And I wish I had done a better job of raising my kids this way. That is, to discover the unique way my Father created me, my kids and everyone around me, bless that uniqueness and then encourage it in any way that I can. I wish the church was doing a better job of that method but that's for another blog.
So how did we get to where we are in the eduction system in America? We were once an agrarian society based on the farm. We lived together as extended families, worked side by side with those with the same DNA and learned life and our skill set from them. As we transitioned into the industrial era we needed to adapt people to a rigid schedule, arriving at the same time each morning to do the same task alongside others moving in the same direction.
On the farm that wasn't necessary. It didn't matter when you did your chores each day. Your schedule and the creative way you fulfilled your duties didn't really interfere with anyone else except those you lived with. But you can't run a factory with people showing up at different times. Everyone has to be there at the same time and work until the same time each day to be able to run an assembly line.
The school system was born about this time...to educate people in how to all show up at the same time and do the same task each day. (See Toffler's The Third Wave for more on this)
We started in that manufacturing mentality and we're still stuck in it, I don't care how much you tout what we are doing as a new program. No Child Left Behind just focused the outcome on manufacturing students to build the same thing...answers to a standardized test.
But we are unique...each one of us. We learn differently. At least three ways according to the "experts"...visually, auditorilly and kinetically. We learn by seeing, by hearing and by doing. So how do we stick a pile of kids (and the pile is getting bigger in each classroom as cutbacks occur) in a classroom and teach them all the same way successfully? We don't. Add to that the fact that we have "gifted" students, students with IEPs (Individual Educational Plans) and those who don't demand attention on either end of the spectrum and get lost in the middle.
I heard about a book this week called Organization for Creative People (don't quote me on that title-it's something like that) that was written so you could pick up the book, start in any chapter and read any chapter next. I loved it. It reminds me of Pat and how she would read the end of the book before she read other parts of it to see if it was worth reading. That was like scratching on a blackboard to me. I've got to read the Foreword, Introduction, Preface and Chapter 1 all in the right order. GOSH!
One of my colleagues in the class told how her two oldest were sons and they excelled in academics. Her daughter, however, was cut out of a different mold. She announced to her mother that she was a "C" student at best and don't expect her to do any better. Oh, did I say she was 13 when she announced this? Well, she didn't let that hold her back. She started a dance studio in their basement. Got the parents to sign contracts and pay her money to teach their children. Hired a dance instructor out of the money and a backup in case she couldn't be there. The parents came to the house and by passed the mom to see the daughter about their child's dancing lessons. I told the mom...don't change anything! You are doing it right.
Another colleague added the comment that education really should start in the home and be done primarily by the parents. That sounds like a revolutionary idea (and one that's been around before--think farm life from above).
How long are we going to try to manufacture people--in the home, the schools and the work place? When are we going to treat each one as an individual, discover with the help of the Father their unique place in life and encourage that so that they can fulfill the calling God has on them? We are not all alike and the world needs all of us in our unique way to contribute to the well-being of others. PS I love all of my friends--left-wing tree huggers and right wing wackos.
Are your kids different from other kids you know? Is your spouse different than you are? Are your co-workers and neighbors cut out of the same pattern? Can we make them all alike? God help us...not to!
Take time to find out what makes each person around you unique. Celebrate their uniqueness. Encourage them to explore and test the limits of their gifting and abilities. And rejoice with the Father in how all of us are unique.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
OUR
I've been kinda quiet for the last several weeks. Nothing has stirred my writing juices...until yesterday.
I don't know if you saw it but there was an article in the papers recently about $16 cupcakes for a Department of Justice conference. I didn't hear the newscast but apparently Fox News picked up on it until the mistake was corrected. It was $16 per person and that included several other things than just cupcakes for each person. That gave my left wing liberal friends an opportunity to blast the Republicans and Fox News, et al for their coverage of it. That got my juices to flowing.
First off, its not too far fetched to think of $16 cupcakes for the government. It's common to pay $20 a dozen or $3.25 each for cupcakes in DC. After reading the GAO Guide on Estimating it's not uncommon in the government to blow a budget of any kind by billions. Poor estimating. Couldn't have done that for very long when I was working in home building. And our government can't afford to do it for very much longer.
So the point is not whether the government can do things better, watch their money more closely and stop expecting that taxing the wage earners will help them with their addiction for spending. The point is its not whether we have a Republican or Democratic government in place. It happens on both watches.
I am a registered...does it really matter? I have right wing conservative friends and relatives who live by Fox News, Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck. I have left wing liberal tree hugger friends and relatives who listen to NPR, believe in global warming and wouldn't think of using a plastic bag to bring their groceries home. It really doesn't matter.
What lights my fire is all the postings on FB and other emails that devote time to blasting the other side as if that will solve the problem. Folks...that is a waste of time and a pseudo appearance of doing something that matters. Let's make things straight. None of the politicians of either party can get the job done. They're spending all their energy shooting at each other rather than addressing the problems that need cures.
If case you have forgotten, regardless of your favorite news media, political persuasion or punching bag, we are all Americans, citizens of the same country. When the government spends ridiculous amounts of money to send to a dictator who pockets it instead of helping his countrymen, when the Defense Department overshoots their budget for a new weapons system by billions, when unscrupulous doctors bill Medicare for unfounded charges in the millions of dollars, they are wasting OUR money. It is the tax dollars that WE working persons have sent to our government.
They have a fiduciary responsibility to us to spend it wisely and to care for those who deserve to have the help of all the rest of us. It is not the Republicans' money or the Democrats' money. It is OUR money. When it is spent unwisely, just plain wasted or fraudulently used they are wasting money that you and I and thousands of other hard working Americans gave to them for safekeeping.
By the way, Rick Perry was right. The Social Security system is a Ponzi scheme not a guaranteed investment that we are sure to reap the benefits of. By the way, Hillary Clinton was right. It takes a village to raise a child and no government, Christian school or educational system is going to be able to do that for us.
We must let our voices be heard...by both parties and all aspects of government. We as tax payers need to become angry about the whole mess and ask for accountability in getting the government straightened out. It is going to take bold leadership--and it doesn't matter which party it comes from--to help us change the culture of taxing and spending and wasting precious resources on things that don't work. And the blame game doesn't work either.
We need to become people of action. I'm now a government employee. I'm a long way from the workings of our legislature except they fund the department I am a part of. What can I do? I can push back to those other employees I am working with when they ask me to spend unnecessary money on a project. I can personally not walk up to the end of the budget year trough and order supplies that I don't need. I can be conservative in my spending when I am on government paid travel.
What can you do? Write your Congressmen and Senators, regardless of your party affiliation and theirs, and demand that they use fiscal responsibility in their spending. We can waste money on a social welfare program just as quickly as we can waste it on a weapons system. Write the President and tell him you want to stop the addiction the government has to money. And most important of all, stop wasting time criticizing the other "side" for their politics. It's OUR government, yours and mine. It's OUR money. It's OUR future and the future of our children. Take action that really matters.
I don't know if you saw it but there was an article in the papers recently about $16 cupcakes for a Department of Justice conference. I didn't hear the newscast but apparently Fox News picked up on it until the mistake was corrected. It was $16 per person and that included several other things than just cupcakes for each person. That gave my left wing liberal friends an opportunity to blast the Republicans and Fox News, et al for their coverage of it. That got my juices to flowing.
First off, its not too far fetched to think of $16 cupcakes for the government. It's common to pay $20 a dozen or $3.25 each for cupcakes in DC. After reading the GAO Guide on Estimating it's not uncommon in the government to blow a budget of any kind by billions. Poor estimating. Couldn't have done that for very long when I was working in home building. And our government can't afford to do it for very much longer.
So the point is not whether the government can do things better, watch their money more closely and stop expecting that taxing the wage earners will help them with their addiction for spending. The point is its not whether we have a Republican or Democratic government in place. It happens on both watches.
I am a registered...does it really matter? I have right wing conservative friends and relatives who live by Fox News, Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck. I have left wing liberal tree hugger friends and relatives who listen to NPR, believe in global warming and wouldn't think of using a plastic bag to bring their groceries home. It really doesn't matter.
What lights my fire is all the postings on FB and other emails that devote time to blasting the other side as if that will solve the problem. Folks...that is a waste of time and a pseudo appearance of doing something that matters. Let's make things straight. None of the politicians of either party can get the job done. They're spending all their energy shooting at each other rather than addressing the problems that need cures.
If case you have forgotten, regardless of your favorite news media, political persuasion or punching bag, we are all Americans, citizens of the same country. When the government spends ridiculous amounts of money to send to a dictator who pockets it instead of helping his countrymen, when the Defense Department overshoots their budget for a new weapons system by billions, when unscrupulous doctors bill Medicare for unfounded charges in the millions of dollars, they are wasting OUR money. It is the tax dollars that WE working persons have sent to our government.
They have a fiduciary responsibility to us to spend it wisely and to care for those who deserve to have the help of all the rest of us. It is not the Republicans' money or the Democrats' money. It is OUR money. When it is spent unwisely, just plain wasted or fraudulently used they are wasting money that you and I and thousands of other hard working Americans gave to them for safekeeping.
By the way, Rick Perry was right. The Social Security system is a Ponzi scheme not a guaranteed investment that we are sure to reap the benefits of. By the way, Hillary Clinton was right. It takes a village to raise a child and no government, Christian school or educational system is going to be able to do that for us.
We must let our voices be heard...by both parties and all aspects of government. We as tax payers need to become angry about the whole mess and ask for accountability in getting the government straightened out. It is going to take bold leadership--and it doesn't matter which party it comes from--to help us change the culture of taxing and spending and wasting precious resources on things that don't work. And the blame game doesn't work either.
We need to become people of action. I'm now a government employee. I'm a long way from the workings of our legislature except they fund the department I am a part of. What can I do? I can push back to those other employees I am working with when they ask me to spend unnecessary money on a project. I can personally not walk up to the end of the budget year trough and order supplies that I don't need. I can be conservative in my spending when I am on government paid travel.
What can you do? Write your Congressmen and Senators, regardless of your party affiliation and theirs, and demand that they use fiscal responsibility in their spending. We can waste money on a social welfare program just as quickly as we can waste it on a weapons system. Write the President and tell him you want to stop the addiction the government has to money. And most important of all, stop wasting time criticizing the other "side" for their politics. It's OUR government, yours and mine. It's OUR money. It's OUR future and the future of our children. Take action that really matters.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)