I've been finding myself laying in bed at night thinking of my next blog. That is not good. I used to be able to go right to sleep when hitting the pillow.
Because I can appear to be opinionated I have been accused of not wanting to work on a team. It's just that I usually do my homework and I don't accept lame excuses and quick fixes for a problem when people haven't done their homework. I don't use that language with the persons I am on a team with. I have to coax them to engage and offer their best to the solution. I want to be on a team that is as engaged as I am trying to be. I need a team around me because I am not the smartest guy in the world. In fact, I don't know anyone who can go solo.
If I remember correctly, Henry Ford once said that every leader needs a team around him composed of smarter people than he is. He recognized that he didn't know everything about everything and needed to depend on some others to bring knowledge to the table that he didn't possess.
That principle seems to be echoed in the scriptures where it tells us that we need all the gifts and parts in order to function ably as the Body of Christ. No gifts are too small or unable to contribute.
I have seen this principle work time and again in business. When writing a Policy and Procedures Manual for a company I once worked for I found that there were many others who saw things I missed and helped to make the policies better than I was able to do in rough draft. There was one person in particular that I always wanted to see the policy before it went to press. She was able to point out questions that would arise and help us to define the policy so that it didn't need to be rehashed later when we were trying to make a decision about something.
I also enjoyed this when I was pastoring. There were others who were as committed to their part of the worship service as I was in bringing a message. In fact, because of the others, I was able to relax and greet the people at the door and help to assess the mood of the congregation before I stood up to speak to them. One group were on their faces weekly to hear from God about where the worship should go. Another person took the burden of the flow of the service off my shoulders and listened to God for his direction in how it should go. We flowed together without a formal meeting because we were listening to the same source.
But just because some one is on your team doesn't mean you can take everything they say as gospel. Henry Ford asked his engineers to design a V8 engine to supplement the offerings of a straight four and six in his engine compliment. His engineers went away and came back saying they couldn't do it. Ford knew it needed to happen so he sent them back again saying that if they couldn't do it he would hire engineers who could. They were strangely able to design the V8 he had envisioned.
And as a leader you can't always be right. There are times you need to hold your ground and there are others when you need to be quick to applaud a better suggestion. There are times when you need to admit that you were wrong, ask for forgiveness and commit to leading better the next time.
Unfortunately, there is a thing called the "ego" that seems to keep many leaders from achieving their best surrounded by an able team. An insecure leader won't want a team around them. They will want to control the whole process. I've seen small business owners who jeopardized their business because they were too proud to accept the assessment of another about their business practices. If I don't know something I want to have someone who does tell me how to do it right. It is not righteous for me to do it wrong just to protect my own ego.
We need team work in order to solve many of the problems we are facing today in the business world and in the church. I hope you have the opportunity where you are planted to enjoy the benefits of a team. It is my hope to experience that again soon.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Fix It!
One of the things that plagues our lives these days is the idea that we can just "fix it" with the snap of our finger and things will be back to normal. You've all heard the reasons why we think that way--microwaves, email and now instant messaging.
The place our world is in now can't be fixed with the snap of a finger...I don't care who's finger is being snapped. Where we are today isn't just George W Bush's fault any more than we can expect Barak Obama to straighten everything out--in two, four or twenty years. And, as I've said, the heroes who rode in on the white horses in November and took their stands this month aren't going to get it fixed either. We won't be able to vote someone in fast enough to do that.
We have to realize that the place we find ourselves today didn't change yesterday. We have been approaching this day for years. I remember telling my teenaged children that they have no concept how TV had changed since I was a kid watching a black and white with my parents. Now, some 20 years or so later they are making the same statement with just as much shock as I did.
I caught Dr Phil today and he was trying to get the overnight sensation, Ted Williams, to agree to rehab. Ted needs rehab. Ted is going to have to do some hard work emotionally to rid himself of his emotional wounds, the effects of alcoholism and all the other relationship issues that are coming out of the closet. He is not able to come in off the streets and be back on the radio the next week. I believe in miracles and that just ain't gonna happen.
The same is true for us. My relationship issues took me 13 years of focused work to get a handle on. I still need to keep working on them. It is so easy to fall back into old patterns. We can't expect to shake off years of relationships that have affected us adversely. We didn't learn the old patterns overnight and we're not going to be able to shake them off overnight, either. It's not fair to expect ourselves to fix what is wrong with ourselves, our country or our society overnight.
What does it take to repair the broken parts of our lives or our world? A lot of hard work over a long time. The older I get the more I realize that part of the healing, in fact a big part of the healing, is in the process. We just can't absorb the changes that need to take place in our lives in just a few short minutes or years.
I'm fighting that right now. This is the first time in my life that I have been unemployed for this long. I've always found things to do and things to keep me busy. What they kept me from doing was listening long and hard enough to hear what my heart was really saying. I was jumping from job to job to keep the pay checks coming in. I expected in this atmosphere to find the perfect job in 2 days or less. I'm not even sure if the 48 days that an acquaintance of mine suggests is long enough.
I've got to break some old habits. I've gotten to listen carefully. And I've got to make the right choices. I can't just keep bouncing around. I'm almost old enough to retire but far, far from being able to.
I'd like to start fixing our world next week...or tomorrow morning. But it may take longer than that to figure out what obstacles in my life are keeping me from doing that. I hope we don't expect Congress to fix all the problems we have as a government and as a country this week or even in the next 2 years. It's going to take more time than that and more work than we can get done in 2 years.
But don't despair. I can still remember the first time I began to work on my emotional issues with seriousness. It was almost 20 years ago. I'm not where I want to be but I'm not where I was. The grace of God has brought me thus far and will take me as far as I need to go. I can start right now to allow the Holy Spirit to work on another aspect of my life that will contribute to the betterment of my world and those I touch. Join me.
The place our world is in now can't be fixed with the snap of a finger...I don't care who's finger is being snapped. Where we are today isn't just George W Bush's fault any more than we can expect Barak Obama to straighten everything out--in two, four or twenty years. And, as I've said, the heroes who rode in on the white horses in November and took their stands this month aren't going to get it fixed either. We won't be able to vote someone in fast enough to do that.
We have to realize that the place we find ourselves today didn't change yesterday. We have been approaching this day for years. I remember telling my teenaged children that they have no concept how TV had changed since I was a kid watching a black and white with my parents. Now, some 20 years or so later they are making the same statement with just as much shock as I did.
I caught Dr Phil today and he was trying to get the overnight sensation, Ted Williams, to agree to rehab. Ted needs rehab. Ted is going to have to do some hard work emotionally to rid himself of his emotional wounds, the effects of alcoholism and all the other relationship issues that are coming out of the closet. He is not able to come in off the streets and be back on the radio the next week. I believe in miracles and that just ain't gonna happen.
The same is true for us. My relationship issues took me 13 years of focused work to get a handle on. I still need to keep working on them. It is so easy to fall back into old patterns. We can't expect to shake off years of relationships that have affected us adversely. We didn't learn the old patterns overnight and we're not going to be able to shake them off overnight, either. It's not fair to expect ourselves to fix what is wrong with ourselves, our country or our society overnight.
What does it take to repair the broken parts of our lives or our world? A lot of hard work over a long time. The older I get the more I realize that part of the healing, in fact a big part of the healing, is in the process. We just can't absorb the changes that need to take place in our lives in just a few short minutes or years.
I'm fighting that right now. This is the first time in my life that I have been unemployed for this long. I've always found things to do and things to keep me busy. What they kept me from doing was listening long and hard enough to hear what my heart was really saying. I was jumping from job to job to keep the pay checks coming in. I expected in this atmosphere to find the perfect job in 2 days or less. I'm not even sure if the 48 days that an acquaintance of mine suggests is long enough.
I've got to break some old habits. I've gotten to listen carefully. And I've got to make the right choices. I can't just keep bouncing around. I'm almost old enough to retire but far, far from being able to.
I'd like to start fixing our world next week...or tomorrow morning. But it may take longer than that to figure out what obstacles in my life are keeping me from doing that. I hope we don't expect Congress to fix all the problems we have as a government and as a country this week or even in the next 2 years. It's going to take more time than that and more work than we can get done in 2 years.
But don't despair. I can still remember the first time I began to work on my emotional issues with seriousness. It was almost 20 years ago. I'm not where I want to be but I'm not where I was. The grace of God has brought me thus far and will take me as far as I need to go. I can start right now to allow the Holy Spirit to work on another aspect of my life that will contribute to the betterment of my world and those I touch. Join me.
Words
In my last posting "Fed Up" I was expressing some anger and frustration. Part of what I was dealing with is the fact that I am sitting at home isolated from people. I gain energy from people and love to meet new ones or get to know more about the ones I've known for awhile. I realized today that my words were expressing something that I didn't come right out and say. I want to be part of the solution and not part of the problem. I don't want to just sit back and throw words at situations that I see in the world and not get to do anything of substance to change what I see.
When I was traveling with Theotherapy a number of years ago I did several blocks of teaching on communication. Communication is more than words. That's why what I am writing in my blog doesn't communicate all that is going on for me to you. I was telling you something with black and white words and you weren't able to ask me questions for clarification, observe my body language, hear my intonation of the words I used or fully understand all that I was saying.
The problem is that too many times we hear words, get a perception of what that person is saying and walk off without clearly understanding what they are trying to communicate.
An example from our marriage: I used to come in after a hard day at work and start in on Pat about the things she didn't get done that day. I didn't bother to ask her what challenges she faced during her day, how difficult it was for her at work or in tending to the children. It was about me. I was frustrated...and wasn't even able to articulate that to her.
Over the course of the years and with lots of healing on both ends of the conversation Pat got to where she could recognize my frustration. She learned that the words coming out of my mouth weren't aimed at her and not to take them personally. She realized that she needed to ask me what was going on.
At first, I couldn't tell her. I wasn't aware of what was going on. I hadn't been asked to articulate my frustrations. Most of the times, no one wanted to listen to them. Or if I did state my frustrations someone shamed me for feeling that way, not bothering to get to the bottom of the words.
Over time while we practiced this exercise I learned to identify what was really bothering me and speak to that issue and not pick on Pat, her motherly abilities or her house cleaning techniques. At the same time I was learning how to really hear Pat and what she was saying when she was struggling with something.
As time went on we have both learned how to recognize our feelings and express them without disguise. Now when I am frustrated, I can identify that and can usually with the help of the Holy Spirit see into what is really eating at me. The conflict that Pat and I experience has been greatly reduced and we can get to the heart of the matter before we bludgeon each other with words.
That's what I really see in our political arena. There are persons who are fanning the fires of fear that we all have about where our country and world are headed to. There are those on both sides of the political spectrum that are determined to make the other "side" a villain. There are many of us in our culture who are bent on shaming others to do what they think is right.
The problem is...and I see this in the political arena...sometimes the words aren't so easily recognizable as inflammatory. Sometimes people speak very quietly but cut like a knife with their words. We have more trouble identifying those persons and discovering their real motives.
For those of you who know me, you usually don't have to speculate how I feel about something. It's right out there. It's easier to attack my frankness because it's so obvious than the slick words of some who are inciting a riot while appearing to be emitting flowers of peace.
Here's where we as listeners need to ask some probing questions. What is really behind the words being said? What are the emotions that are coloring our hearing for both of us--the speaker and the listener? Are we really hearing what someone is saying or reacting to their words and our interpretation of them?
My belief is that we are not as far apart about many of the critical issues as appears on the surface. And that's where we need to get to. We need to get to the point where we stop reacting to some one's words and going on the defensive. We need to get to the bottom of them, find common ground for all of us and move forward to change the world.
Do we have to be a liberal or a conservative to balance our budget, meet the needs of those among us who need some help and focus on helping others who need us to lead the way? I think not.
When I was traveling with Theotherapy a number of years ago I did several blocks of teaching on communication. Communication is more than words. That's why what I am writing in my blog doesn't communicate all that is going on for me to you. I was telling you something with black and white words and you weren't able to ask me questions for clarification, observe my body language, hear my intonation of the words I used or fully understand all that I was saying.
The problem is that too many times we hear words, get a perception of what that person is saying and walk off without clearly understanding what they are trying to communicate.
An example from our marriage: I used to come in after a hard day at work and start in on Pat about the things she didn't get done that day. I didn't bother to ask her what challenges she faced during her day, how difficult it was for her at work or in tending to the children. It was about me. I was frustrated...and wasn't even able to articulate that to her.
Over the course of the years and with lots of healing on both ends of the conversation Pat got to where she could recognize my frustration. She learned that the words coming out of my mouth weren't aimed at her and not to take them personally. She realized that she needed to ask me what was going on.
At first, I couldn't tell her. I wasn't aware of what was going on. I hadn't been asked to articulate my frustrations. Most of the times, no one wanted to listen to them. Or if I did state my frustrations someone shamed me for feeling that way, not bothering to get to the bottom of the words.
Over time while we practiced this exercise I learned to identify what was really bothering me and speak to that issue and not pick on Pat, her motherly abilities or her house cleaning techniques. At the same time I was learning how to really hear Pat and what she was saying when she was struggling with something.
As time went on we have both learned how to recognize our feelings and express them without disguise. Now when I am frustrated, I can identify that and can usually with the help of the Holy Spirit see into what is really eating at me. The conflict that Pat and I experience has been greatly reduced and we can get to the heart of the matter before we bludgeon each other with words.
That's what I really see in our political arena. There are persons who are fanning the fires of fear that we all have about where our country and world are headed to. There are those on both sides of the political spectrum that are determined to make the other "side" a villain. There are many of us in our culture who are bent on shaming others to do what they think is right.
The problem is...and I see this in the political arena...sometimes the words aren't so easily recognizable as inflammatory. Sometimes people speak very quietly but cut like a knife with their words. We have more trouble identifying those persons and discovering their real motives.
For those of you who know me, you usually don't have to speculate how I feel about something. It's right out there. It's easier to attack my frankness because it's so obvious than the slick words of some who are inciting a riot while appearing to be emitting flowers of peace.
Here's where we as listeners need to ask some probing questions. What is really behind the words being said? What are the emotions that are coloring our hearing for both of us--the speaker and the listener? Are we really hearing what someone is saying or reacting to their words and our interpretation of them?
My belief is that we are not as far apart about many of the critical issues as appears on the surface. And that's where we need to get to. We need to get to the point where we stop reacting to some one's words and going on the defensive. We need to get to the bottom of them, find common ground for all of us and move forward to change the world.
Do we have to be a liberal or a conservative to balance our budget, meet the needs of those among us who need some help and focus on helping others who need us to lead the way? I think not.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Fed Up
I debated in my mind this morning just what to call this blog. I thought of "embarrassed" because I am a registered Republican but I am not at all happy with the behavior of those in this party. I crossed party lines in the primary and voted for Obama but couldn't bring myself to pull the lever in the election in the fall. I am "disappointed" that the Democrats scream just as loudly as the Republicans and don't do any better. I am also "disgusted" that the intelligent, educated leaders we have elected in this country in both parties are acting like 5 year olds on a play ground. I am "sad" that we can not find a way to dialogue about the needs of this country without polarizing others.
Part of what prompted my response was the tragedy that took place yesterday in Tucson, AZ. It appears that the uncouth rhetoric of our politicians has triggered a response by someone who didn't see any better way to express his anger at things than to kill innocent people and wreck his life and the lives of others in a few short seconds. The donations to either party this past year allowed them to spew this rhetoric across the air waves day after day in ads that took a "gun" loaded with words to their opponents.
We as the people of this country and as followers of Christ are to blame for this young man's response in AZ. Yes, we are to blame for his response. We have not shown the culture around us how to appropriately disagree with someone. We can't even civilly disagree in our churches which are supposed to be the body of Christ. What we have modeled is that we have to go over the emotional top to express our viewpoints at whatever cost to those who have a different opinion. We may not take a gun out and shoot someone but we "murder" them with our words.
Another trigger to cause me to respond this morning is an article in The Washington Post that someone posted on FB last evening. It referenced a "parody" of the Constitution. That's right I don't take seriously the suggestion that the Republicans want to see this obvious farce read at the opening of the 113th Congress next year. The fact that someone could take this creative piece of writing over the top and sound the alarm is another example of an emotional response. "The sky is falling," said chicken little. We have had too many of those and the rhetoric has heated up until we can't hear each other rationally.
The Democrats don't have enough power now or before to trash this nation. The Republicans that were elected a few months ago don't have enough power to fix everything they think needs fixed. Those who follow Christ don't demonstrate the power that is available to us to bring this nation to sanity. It is going to take all of us working together to fix what is broken in our country. All of us are going to have to sacrifice, and that includes our perspective which we think is so right. All of us are going to have to step up to the plate and quit talking about living a Christian life and start doing it. We need to get on our faces and call on God to show us how to avoid destruction. History has shown us that our humanity doesn't give us the answers we need.
It begins with calling our government and those we have elected to stop acting like children and lead us out of this mess. And if they can't we need to show them how to lead...by our actions. We need to demonstrate how to disagree without slaying someone's character.
Unfortunately, we have the same problems among the people who follow Christ. I know confessing Christians who are radically Democratic and others who are radically Republican. And again, unfortunately, they treat each other just like the government we have elected. To top it all off, if the treatment isn't overt it is passive aggressive. I have seen so many issues where a vocal minority has "had their way" by acting immature and dragging their feet when the Spirit of God was leading many in a direction they didn't want to go.
What gets lost in the whole discussion is the genuine needs of people around us who are broken. How can we tackle the problem of homelessness? How can we bring healing to the homes where 10 year olds shoot their mother because they were asked to bring in some firewood? How can we reach the teens who are making life changing decisions because there is no peace at home?
I go back to something I heard Arthur Burk suggest. We need to clean up our own individual acts by repenting of our failures to follow Christ with abandon, deny ourselves and allow the Spirit of Christ to give us the humility and anointing to address the problems we face with authority. As long as we join in the mess of our culture we are only going to reap the fruit of that behavior.
God truly have mercy on us...both Republicans and Democrats alike.
Part of what prompted my response was the tragedy that took place yesterday in Tucson, AZ. It appears that the uncouth rhetoric of our politicians has triggered a response by someone who didn't see any better way to express his anger at things than to kill innocent people and wreck his life and the lives of others in a few short seconds. The donations to either party this past year allowed them to spew this rhetoric across the air waves day after day in ads that took a "gun" loaded with words to their opponents.
We as the people of this country and as followers of Christ are to blame for this young man's response in AZ. Yes, we are to blame for his response. We have not shown the culture around us how to appropriately disagree with someone. We can't even civilly disagree in our churches which are supposed to be the body of Christ. What we have modeled is that we have to go over the emotional top to express our viewpoints at whatever cost to those who have a different opinion. We may not take a gun out and shoot someone but we "murder" them with our words.
Another trigger to cause me to respond this morning is an article in The Washington Post that someone posted on FB last evening. It referenced a "parody" of the Constitution. That's right I don't take seriously the suggestion that the Republicans want to see this obvious farce read at the opening of the 113th Congress next year. The fact that someone could take this creative piece of writing over the top and sound the alarm is another example of an emotional response. "The sky is falling," said chicken little. We have had too many of those and the rhetoric has heated up until we can't hear each other rationally.
The Democrats don't have enough power now or before to trash this nation. The Republicans that were elected a few months ago don't have enough power to fix everything they think needs fixed. Those who follow Christ don't demonstrate the power that is available to us to bring this nation to sanity. It is going to take all of us working together to fix what is broken in our country. All of us are going to have to sacrifice, and that includes our perspective which we think is so right. All of us are going to have to step up to the plate and quit talking about living a Christian life and start doing it. We need to get on our faces and call on God to show us how to avoid destruction. History has shown us that our humanity doesn't give us the answers we need.
It begins with calling our government and those we have elected to stop acting like children and lead us out of this mess. And if they can't we need to show them how to lead...by our actions. We need to demonstrate how to disagree without slaying someone's character.
Unfortunately, we have the same problems among the people who follow Christ. I know confessing Christians who are radically Democratic and others who are radically Republican. And again, unfortunately, they treat each other just like the government we have elected. To top it all off, if the treatment isn't overt it is passive aggressive. I have seen so many issues where a vocal minority has "had their way" by acting immature and dragging their feet when the Spirit of God was leading many in a direction they didn't want to go.
What gets lost in the whole discussion is the genuine needs of people around us who are broken. How can we tackle the problem of homelessness? How can we bring healing to the homes where 10 year olds shoot their mother because they were asked to bring in some firewood? How can we reach the teens who are making life changing decisions because there is no peace at home?
I go back to something I heard Arthur Burk suggest. We need to clean up our own individual acts by repenting of our failures to follow Christ with abandon, deny ourselves and allow the Spirit of Christ to give us the humility and anointing to address the problems we face with authority. As long as we join in the mess of our culture we are only going to reap the fruit of that behavior.
God truly have mercy on us...both Republicans and Democrats alike.
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