I know it's hard for those of you who know me today to believe that at one time I was shy. I didn't feel very good about myself. I had to fight with my mom to get to wear the latest in clothing styles. She wanted to make my clothes...and I wanted to wear HIS peg-legged pants that didn't fit my huge calves and Aigler wool socks that made my feet sweat and itch.
Anyway, I was backward. My mom had often told me to just go up to people, stick out my hand and introduce myself. But no one listens to their mom when they are a teenager.
One summer when I was 13-15 I went to Ridgecrest, NC outside Asheville to a Baptist youth camp for a week. I shared a room with an older guy from our church, Ken Johnson. I looked up to him as one of the wiser ones to get to know. He was also a good friend of another of my friends, Larry Dye.
I remember laying in bed one night talking to Ken about how shy I was and how hard it was to meet people and feel like I belonged. He said, "Just go up to people, stick out your hand and introduce yourself to them. Then ask them who they are and find out about their lives." Wow, you just don't ever know what some seemingly off-hand comments you may make can so greatly influence someone else's life! And yes, it was the same thing my mother had said to me.
I have learned in years of meeting people that one thing all people like to talk about is...themselves. In fact, I am amazed at the intimate things people will share with you if you are willing to listen regardless of the setting you are in. I have met so many very interesting people by introducing myself and asking them what they do, what they like, what hobbies they have, where they are from or if they are a native to the area we are standing in at that moment. In fact, I have said that meeting a new person is like opening a Christmas package to me. I am always surprised and delighted with what I find.
I'll have to tell you a reverse of that situation. We were on the University of Chicago's campus for a prospective parents' weekend with Benjamin. At a reception at one of the professor's homes I walked up to a guy and asked him what he did after meeting him. He replied that he was an orthopedic surgeon. "Wow, you fix joints and muscles." I was impressed and I knew right away that he probably had a check book that could write out the tuition and board check of $28,000 without batting an eye.
But the funny thing is...and most people don't do this...he asked me what I did. At the time I was selling fabric among the Amish communities of IN, PA, OH and IA. His face lit up and he became genuinely interested in asking me more about my job. You see, most of the time when you ask someone about their lives they will talk for hours without asking you about yours.
He was really impressed, so much so, that when we saw him on campus the next day with his son the first thing he said to his son was, you'll never believe what this guy does for a living.
The reason most people will talk about themselves as long as you will listen is that most people don't have someone who will just listen to them. Who will ask questions to get to know the real them. Everyone has a story to tell and believe me, from experience, I know that God hasn't created a one of you alike. Just ask me!
I hope some of your best Christmas gifts you open this year are the lives of others around you.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Winkey Pratney
I stayed awake last night thinking of several blogs I wanted to write so I might as well get them off my mind while I am awake. Maybe I can sleep tonight.
For some reason the time I was in the navy traveling around the world I had several divine appointments where the Father connected me with people that influenced my life. I don't have ones as dramatic as that now but there were plenty of them then.
As I've written before I ran in to a variety of people who were not followers of Christ when I joined the navy. My faith at that point had been tested but not to the extent that it was when I encountered a metaphysician, a voodoo practitioner, homosexuals and others with strange theological views. I was floating around in the Mediterranean without local theological libraries to visit so I depended on God to bring me the resources I needed.
I don't remember where we were in the world or what brought me to an aircraft carrier but I do remember standing on the level below the flight deck, used as a hangar. I was talking with one of the persons who had put on some kind of program and I mentioned what I was facing in reaching the other guys on my ship. They brought out a loose leaf 8.5 x 11 notebook with a red cover called Youth Aflame by an author named Winkey Pratney. I believe he was from New Zealand or Australia.
The notebook was a comprehensive topical study of several Bible themes. As I worked through it looking up every scripture I found myself going back and forth throughout the whole Bible learning scripture that I had never been exposed to. I studied it every day as I sat in my office after working hours for several months.
It put significant tools in my hands and also exposed me to Biblical theology in a way none of the courses I later took in seminary did. In fact, I'm glad I had this book before I went to seminary! It also dove-tailed with the book from Francis Schaeffer that came to me about the same time. I'm not sure where that notebook is right now but I'm sure I could find it if I dug in enough boxes.
Fast forward to 1988 and Washington DC. I was there for a leadership conference and hadn't found anyone to hang out with. One evening I went out for dinner after the afternoon session had ended. I remember walking out from the hotel, down the street past several restaurants. It was early for dinner, about 5 ish, so none of the restaurants had a lot of patrons. After walking a block or two I turned around and walked back to a restaurant that had caught my eye.
I ended up in an Italian restaurant if my memory serves me well. I was seated at one of those upholstered seats that ran past several 2 topper tables with individual chairs on the other side. While I was beginning my meal two men walked in and were seated about 2 tables away from me. I couldn't help but overhear their conversation and to my amazement, one of the men identified themselves as Winkey Pratney!
I boldly invited myself to interrupt their conversation and introduced myself, telling Winkey that the story of the loose leaf notebook I had. He mentioned that that was a rarity. I had seen it in print in a bound book but it wasn't nearly as helpful to leaf through as I had found the copy that I had.
Long story short, as we talked I mentioned to him that I was a pastor (in my third year at that time) and that I wanted to communicate to my congregation better. He told me to ditch the style I had been taught in seminary, get a lapel mike and get out from behind the pulpit. He said to tailor my messages to a 16 year old who would be sitting in my congregation and I would find that I was communicating more effectively.
I remember doing that and it changed my speaking style forever...and I believe for the better.
The stories my friend Nate told me this week about his encounters with people in Panama reminded me that God our Father knows where we are and he knows what we need. He is ready to supply that at the appropriate time...without fail. May you experience some of his loving actions like that today.
For some reason the time I was in the navy traveling around the world I had several divine appointments where the Father connected me with people that influenced my life. I don't have ones as dramatic as that now but there were plenty of them then.
As I've written before I ran in to a variety of people who were not followers of Christ when I joined the navy. My faith at that point had been tested but not to the extent that it was when I encountered a metaphysician, a voodoo practitioner, homosexuals and others with strange theological views. I was floating around in the Mediterranean without local theological libraries to visit so I depended on God to bring me the resources I needed.
I don't remember where we were in the world or what brought me to an aircraft carrier but I do remember standing on the level below the flight deck, used as a hangar. I was talking with one of the persons who had put on some kind of program and I mentioned what I was facing in reaching the other guys on my ship. They brought out a loose leaf 8.5 x 11 notebook with a red cover called Youth Aflame by an author named Winkey Pratney. I believe he was from New Zealand or Australia.
The notebook was a comprehensive topical study of several Bible themes. As I worked through it looking up every scripture I found myself going back and forth throughout the whole Bible learning scripture that I had never been exposed to. I studied it every day as I sat in my office after working hours for several months.
It put significant tools in my hands and also exposed me to Biblical theology in a way none of the courses I later took in seminary did. In fact, I'm glad I had this book before I went to seminary! It also dove-tailed with the book from Francis Schaeffer that came to me about the same time. I'm not sure where that notebook is right now but I'm sure I could find it if I dug in enough boxes.
Fast forward to 1988 and Washington DC. I was there for a leadership conference and hadn't found anyone to hang out with. One evening I went out for dinner after the afternoon session had ended. I remember walking out from the hotel, down the street past several restaurants. It was early for dinner, about 5 ish, so none of the restaurants had a lot of patrons. After walking a block or two I turned around and walked back to a restaurant that had caught my eye.
I ended up in an Italian restaurant if my memory serves me well. I was seated at one of those upholstered seats that ran past several 2 topper tables with individual chairs on the other side. While I was beginning my meal two men walked in and were seated about 2 tables away from me. I couldn't help but overhear their conversation and to my amazement, one of the men identified themselves as Winkey Pratney!
I boldly invited myself to interrupt their conversation and introduced myself, telling Winkey that the story of the loose leaf notebook I had. He mentioned that that was a rarity. I had seen it in print in a bound book but it wasn't nearly as helpful to leaf through as I had found the copy that I had.
Long story short, as we talked I mentioned to him that I was a pastor (in my third year at that time) and that I wanted to communicate to my congregation better. He told me to ditch the style I had been taught in seminary, get a lapel mike and get out from behind the pulpit. He said to tailor my messages to a 16 year old who would be sitting in my congregation and I would find that I was communicating more effectively.
I remember doing that and it changed my speaking style forever...and I believe for the better.
The stories my friend Nate told me this week about his encounters with people in Panama reminded me that God our Father knows where we are and he knows what we need. He is ready to supply that at the appropriate time...without fail. May you experience some of his loving actions like that today.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Management
Many of you have heard me hold forth on management in conversations along the way. I'm going to write some about it today but I need to give a disclaimer.
As a person with prophetic tendencies, I am looking for things to be the way that they are meant to be. That comes from the spiritual world where prophets call the people of God back to the way God wants it to be. We are always seeing things that are out of place and calling them into place. Like all of us we have the seeds of the garden of Eden and the perfection of God's creation deep in our hearts. With that comes the longing to have things be the way they were before the fall and the way they will be in eternity.
I am amazed at the lack of management I see throughout our world of business and government. I might as well add Christian ministries to that list. My perspective has been from the place of small, entrepreneurial businesses who have to be managed well or they don't survive. During my work career (that I hope is not ended) I have seen businesses of all sizes managed poorly.
In particular I remember going after the weekly inserts from a new Kroger store in New Philadelphia, OH. It was an early super store. I was working for the Bargain Hunter at the time and we were able to put their weekly inserts of food specials into specific neighborhoods to insure peak performance. I was amazed that they had built this huge new store and didn't know where they were expecting their customers to come from and therefore couldn't tell me which neighborhoods they wanted to place their flyers in. It was no surprise that the store closed within a couple of years of opening because the business they wanted wasn't there.
Another business I'm aware of came through a very good business climate and apparent success...with debt, outdated equipment and disorganization. It's amazing that they can continue in business. They should have money in the bank, all the latest equipment and a well oiled management team in place to take them into the future. Instead, their future is questionable. They felt good about what they had accomplished but it was far less than their potential. The potential was wasted and so were the resources that passed through their hands over the years.
So what if a company isn't managed well? As long as the owners or stockholders are being paid well and have what they want does it really matter? It matters. Poor management wastes resources. In the case of a small business if they don't manage their resources well they don't produce the profit they should. Or to put it another way they don't adequately cover their expenses in a way that allows them to rightfully provide for their employees who do the work for them. They don't generate enough resources to fund giving back to their communities, to the poor or to others who have needs.
I'm still reading through the Time/Life series on WWII. In the most recent volume I am reading I came across a report by Ernie Pyle, a familiar correspondent during the war. He had discussed the cost of war with some of the troops who were fighting to take Italy back from the Germans. They figured in some rough way that it cost $25,000 per German that was killed.
Think about that. Think about the cost of war...in capital, human resources, natural resources, time. Even wars that aren't managed properly (if you can even get your head around that) cost incredibly more than they need to.
I'm passionate about managing things well. I don't like to see things wasted. I think it is a crime to waste things...and people. I'm sad that persons like myself who are gifted and have much to offer are instead sitting at home drawing unemployment. I don't think that would be happening if things in our world were managed well. I've never had enough that I felt like I could just throw it away. My hope is that I can work out the rest of my life helping others manage resources well and providing for those who aren't able with the surplus.
As a person with prophetic tendencies, I am looking for things to be the way that they are meant to be. That comes from the spiritual world where prophets call the people of God back to the way God wants it to be. We are always seeing things that are out of place and calling them into place. Like all of us we have the seeds of the garden of Eden and the perfection of God's creation deep in our hearts. With that comes the longing to have things be the way they were before the fall and the way they will be in eternity.
I am amazed at the lack of management I see throughout our world of business and government. I might as well add Christian ministries to that list. My perspective has been from the place of small, entrepreneurial businesses who have to be managed well or they don't survive. During my work career (that I hope is not ended) I have seen businesses of all sizes managed poorly.
In particular I remember going after the weekly inserts from a new Kroger store in New Philadelphia, OH. It was an early super store. I was working for the Bargain Hunter at the time and we were able to put their weekly inserts of food specials into specific neighborhoods to insure peak performance. I was amazed that they had built this huge new store and didn't know where they were expecting their customers to come from and therefore couldn't tell me which neighborhoods they wanted to place their flyers in. It was no surprise that the store closed within a couple of years of opening because the business they wanted wasn't there.
Another business I'm aware of came through a very good business climate and apparent success...with debt, outdated equipment and disorganization. It's amazing that they can continue in business. They should have money in the bank, all the latest equipment and a well oiled management team in place to take them into the future. Instead, their future is questionable. They felt good about what they had accomplished but it was far less than their potential. The potential was wasted and so were the resources that passed through their hands over the years.
So what if a company isn't managed well? As long as the owners or stockholders are being paid well and have what they want does it really matter? It matters. Poor management wastes resources. In the case of a small business if they don't manage their resources well they don't produce the profit they should. Or to put it another way they don't adequately cover their expenses in a way that allows them to rightfully provide for their employees who do the work for them. They don't generate enough resources to fund giving back to their communities, to the poor or to others who have needs.
I'm still reading through the Time/Life series on WWII. In the most recent volume I am reading I came across a report by Ernie Pyle, a familiar correspondent during the war. He had discussed the cost of war with some of the troops who were fighting to take Italy back from the Germans. They figured in some rough way that it cost $25,000 per German that was killed.
Think about that. Think about the cost of war...in capital, human resources, natural resources, time. Even wars that aren't managed properly (if you can even get your head around that) cost incredibly more than they need to.
I'm passionate about managing things well. I don't like to see things wasted. I think it is a crime to waste things...and people. I'm sad that persons like myself who are gifted and have much to offer are instead sitting at home drawing unemployment. I don't think that would be happening if things in our world were managed well. I've never had enough that I felt like I could just throw it away. My hope is that I can work out the rest of my life helping others manage resources well and providing for those who aren't able with the surplus.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Family DNA
There's been so much written about new discoveries pertaining to DNA. They can now tell if you have a gene that will make you susceptible to cancer. They can determine whether you will struggle with obesity. What other things are found in our DNA?
I'm not a scientist but one of the things my sister-in-law, Jennifer, said while we were together at Thanksgiving sparked a thought. She described us as a "giving" family. I believe that is in our DNA. We see a need and seek to fill it. We give when the rewards are not always monetary. We give when some one needs to receive.
That, just like other traits of our families are passed down through generations. In my family we spent a lot of time outdoors doing yard work, gardening and just cleaning up. I thought I would die every summer when I had to spade up the garden by hand (no rototillers here!) I thought I was going to die of sweating when I had to mow the lawn. That's when starting a lawnmower was...pull, pull, pull...you get the picture.
But as I matured I began to love being outside. I still miss the mowing, weed-eating, cutting down trees and cleaning up brush that I did on my property in OH...and the properties of my neighbors if they didn't run me out of their yard.
The giving and the outdoor work is in the genes of my adult kids. They got a lot of it from their mom who has always traded, scratched together and bought flowers to plant. Both CA and Nissa like to plant flowers and work in their outdoor creations. We all like the smell of bark mulch as we spread it in the spring. CA has gone into her neighbor's lawns and cleaned up when they were unable to.
Ben's propensity for outdoors has come out in his gardening in the city of Chicago. He started out just cleaning up the vacant lots around his house. His passion evolved into first a 20 plot garden for the community at a vacant lot to a neighborhood garden project that now has 160 plots, has spawned more neighborhood gardens and won he and his colleagues a first place in the mayor's neighborhood garden category.
None of the giving my kids have done has brought them financial gain. In fact, if you garden you know what it costs to plant flowers. One of the times Ben was out cleaning up the alley behind his house his 15 yr old neighbor came out and asked if he could help...but he was expecting to get paid!
The genes I mentioned in the beginning that caused cancer, obesity and other problems for us lead us to know that there are other things that can be passed down to us that aren't good. In fact, again without being a scientist, I believe that the wounds of past generations can also genetically alter us and cause us to behave in ways that are "cancerous". We need to be aware of those genes and seek the Father's healing of them so they don't pass on to other generations.
Our family can attest to the surety of the Father's healing of old wounds and the Holy Spirit's help in changing behaviors that are "cancerous". We're not in our perfect bodies yet, nor do we act like it always, but the hope is there that He will continue to heal us of our broken genes and release us to function in our healthy, Godly genes.
May you experience that in your life today.
I'm not a scientist but one of the things my sister-in-law, Jennifer, said while we were together at Thanksgiving sparked a thought. She described us as a "giving" family. I believe that is in our DNA. We see a need and seek to fill it. We give when the rewards are not always monetary. We give when some one needs to receive.
That, just like other traits of our families are passed down through generations. In my family we spent a lot of time outdoors doing yard work, gardening and just cleaning up. I thought I would die every summer when I had to spade up the garden by hand (no rototillers here!) I thought I was going to die of sweating when I had to mow the lawn. That's when starting a lawnmower was...pull, pull, pull...you get the picture.
But as I matured I began to love being outside. I still miss the mowing, weed-eating, cutting down trees and cleaning up brush that I did on my property in OH...and the properties of my neighbors if they didn't run me out of their yard.
The giving and the outdoor work is in the genes of my adult kids. They got a lot of it from their mom who has always traded, scratched together and bought flowers to plant. Both CA and Nissa like to plant flowers and work in their outdoor creations. We all like the smell of bark mulch as we spread it in the spring. CA has gone into her neighbor's lawns and cleaned up when they were unable to.
Ben's propensity for outdoors has come out in his gardening in the city of Chicago. He started out just cleaning up the vacant lots around his house. His passion evolved into first a 20 plot garden for the community at a vacant lot to a neighborhood garden project that now has 160 plots, has spawned more neighborhood gardens and won he and his colleagues a first place in the mayor's neighborhood garden category.
None of the giving my kids have done has brought them financial gain. In fact, if you garden you know what it costs to plant flowers. One of the times Ben was out cleaning up the alley behind his house his 15 yr old neighbor came out and asked if he could help...but he was expecting to get paid!
The genes I mentioned in the beginning that caused cancer, obesity and other problems for us lead us to know that there are other things that can be passed down to us that aren't good. In fact, again without being a scientist, I believe that the wounds of past generations can also genetically alter us and cause us to behave in ways that are "cancerous". We need to be aware of those genes and seek the Father's healing of them so they don't pass on to other generations.
Our family can attest to the surety of the Father's healing of old wounds and the Holy Spirit's help in changing behaviors that are "cancerous". We're not in our perfect bodies yet, nor do we act like it always, but the hope is there that He will continue to heal us of our broken genes and release us to function in our healthy, Godly genes.
May you experience that in your life today.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Holy War
I'm not sure I have my head and heart around what I'm going to write about today. I guess that's okay since this is a blog which by definition is an ongoing conversation.
I've now read six of the thirty-seven Time/Life books I have on WWII. The human cost of that war was incredible and the conditions that people suffered through during the fight were horrendous. The cost of the war in financial resources was also beyond belief. The Allies lost over 33,000 planes alone in the war. The economies of the countries at war were shifted toward supplying materiel to the war effort. No wonder subsequent politicians have entered wars to bolster their economies. But that's a whole other subject.
What I can't seem to get my head and heart around right now are the implications of the model of war to the spiritual realm. Is the intensity of the fighting and focus on the enemy something the body of Christ needs to adopt toward evil spiritual forces? I don't see the passion and focus on the enemy among the Christians I know with few exceptions.
I do know several persons who are on the front lines of the battle for those who have been severely emotionally abused and controlled. They are daily fighting battles in the heavenlies for the lives of those who have been so severely abused. They are selling out for the victory over evil in the lives of those they touch.
It is obvious to me that we have fallen asleep at the wheel as the body of Christ in stemming the tide of evil. Pat brings home stories of the kids who are victims of a lack of sound parenting. Their parents are floundering and fighting but they don't know what they are fighting against. They are just fighting and the kids are casualties of the war. Some of these parents may be involved in churches but my guess is that many have either given up or ignored the invitations of the churches because they don't see them as relevant to the issues they are facing.
What does it look like (compared to a world war) when Christians go to battle against the enemy? Do we make sacrifices, accept food rations and do with less to promote the war effort? Do we seek to undermine the war effort of the evil one who is destroying our world or do we succumb to the "nice" words of the enemy to get us to put down our arms? Are we using subversive tactics to thwart the efforts of the forces that are attempting to overpower us? Are we putting all our financial, human and other resources toward the war effort to see evil defeated and the kingdom of God expanded?
I know that I am not. As I said, this is a work in progress for me. I'm not sure of the implications for what I am doing and who I am yet. I am expecting them to become clear to me as I continue to read and listen to the Spirit interpret them for me. Am I going to be part of the resistance or capitulate to the apathy that surrounds me? What does being part of the resistance really look like in today's world? As I have seen in the past I believe our warrior God will make this clear to me in practical terms. I need it nice and simple...and clear enough to work.
I've now read six of the thirty-seven Time/Life books I have on WWII. The human cost of that war was incredible and the conditions that people suffered through during the fight were horrendous. The cost of the war in financial resources was also beyond belief. The Allies lost over 33,000 planes alone in the war. The economies of the countries at war were shifted toward supplying materiel to the war effort. No wonder subsequent politicians have entered wars to bolster their economies. But that's a whole other subject.
What I can't seem to get my head and heart around right now are the implications of the model of war to the spiritual realm. Is the intensity of the fighting and focus on the enemy something the body of Christ needs to adopt toward evil spiritual forces? I don't see the passion and focus on the enemy among the Christians I know with few exceptions.
I do know several persons who are on the front lines of the battle for those who have been severely emotionally abused and controlled. They are daily fighting battles in the heavenlies for the lives of those who have been so severely abused. They are selling out for the victory over evil in the lives of those they touch.
It is obvious to me that we have fallen asleep at the wheel as the body of Christ in stemming the tide of evil. Pat brings home stories of the kids who are victims of a lack of sound parenting. Their parents are floundering and fighting but they don't know what they are fighting against. They are just fighting and the kids are casualties of the war. Some of these parents may be involved in churches but my guess is that many have either given up or ignored the invitations of the churches because they don't see them as relevant to the issues they are facing.
What does it look like (compared to a world war) when Christians go to battle against the enemy? Do we make sacrifices, accept food rations and do with less to promote the war effort? Do we seek to undermine the war effort of the evil one who is destroying our world or do we succumb to the "nice" words of the enemy to get us to put down our arms? Are we using subversive tactics to thwart the efforts of the forces that are attempting to overpower us? Are we putting all our financial, human and other resources toward the war effort to see evil defeated and the kingdom of God expanded?
I know that I am not. As I said, this is a work in progress for me. I'm not sure of the implications for what I am doing and who I am yet. I am expecting them to become clear to me as I continue to read and listen to the Spirit interpret them for me. Am I going to be part of the resistance or capitulate to the apathy that surrounds me? What does being part of the resistance really look like in today's world? As I have seen in the past I believe our warrior God will make this clear to me in practical terms. I need it nice and simple...and clear enough to work.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Numbness
Today I'm feeling kind of numb.
My task was to go on the usajobs.gov website and apply for some government jobs in the area. I took a nap...then went to get my newspaper. I read the USA Today every day and then I do the puzzles. First the crossword and then the two Sudukos. As is usual for Fridays, I got all the possibilities in the blocks but no solution to the puzzle. I ended up taking a guess on one of the blocks with only two possibilities...and I was wrong.
Wow, then I was tired again and took another nap.
I finally got downstairs before my computer to apply for some jobs. But first I have to do the bookwork. I needed to pay some bills and enter a few transactions that we've done in the last couple of days. That's enough to get someone motivated to get a job seeing the bank account dwindle. Ah, but Pat got paid today.
Gosh, now it was time for lunch. Made my sandwich, gave Rocky a Cheeto, baked so he can keep his slim figure and sat down to eat lunch. Done now...and back to the computer.
I pulled up Management and Program Analyst jobs and then did a search for Project Manager jobs. There were only 1902 in the US for me to look at which I did. All 1902. I focused on two and saved them for further review.
I finally got down to applying for the jobs. Man, can that be intimidating. One was with the IRS. Of course, there were lots of disclaimers about exaggerating your abilities and experiences, lots of new terms that I'm sure explain the simple processes of management that I have performed. But they were cloaked in mystic language to make them seem intimidating.
After filling out the first application and the questions about my experience I filed my application. Let's keep it rolling. On to the next job application where I found I had to use a different website to apply for it. I had to set up a new account and it wouldn't take things quickly from the usajobs.gov site that I had set up with resumes, etc. Another questionnaire and more questions that I think I answered honestly...if I really understood the question.
About 2 1/2 hrs later I am exhausted and done with my two applications.
So why am I numb? Because it looks like I am looking for a job and not something that I can delight in when I go to each day. Is it because I don't know what these jobs will look like? Is it because I don't know the people involved in each of these offices? Is it because I haven't found the right one yet? When will that come and what will it look like? How long will this process go on?
In a lot of ways it would have been easier today to go clean out the shop or wash the truck or take a walk...or anything else other than look for a job. Will the numbness go away?
My task was to go on the usajobs.gov website and apply for some government jobs in the area. I took a nap...then went to get my newspaper. I read the USA Today every day and then I do the puzzles. First the crossword and then the two Sudukos. As is usual for Fridays, I got all the possibilities in the blocks but no solution to the puzzle. I ended up taking a guess on one of the blocks with only two possibilities...and I was wrong.
Wow, then I was tired again and took another nap.
I finally got downstairs before my computer to apply for some jobs. But first I have to do the bookwork. I needed to pay some bills and enter a few transactions that we've done in the last couple of days. That's enough to get someone motivated to get a job seeing the bank account dwindle. Ah, but Pat got paid today.
Gosh, now it was time for lunch. Made my sandwich, gave Rocky a Cheeto, baked so he can keep his slim figure and sat down to eat lunch. Done now...and back to the computer.
I pulled up Management and Program Analyst jobs and then did a search for Project Manager jobs. There were only 1902 in the US for me to look at which I did. All 1902. I focused on two and saved them for further review.
I finally got down to applying for the jobs. Man, can that be intimidating. One was with the IRS. Of course, there were lots of disclaimers about exaggerating your abilities and experiences, lots of new terms that I'm sure explain the simple processes of management that I have performed. But they were cloaked in mystic language to make them seem intimidating.
After filling out the first application and the questions about my experience I filed my application. Let's keep it rolling. On to the next job application where I found I had to use a different website to apply for it. I had to set up a new account and it wouldn't take things quickly from the usajobs.gov site that I had set up with resumes, etc. Another questionnaire and more questions that I think I answered honestly...if I really understood the question.
About 2 1/2 hrs later I am exhausted and done with my two applications.
So why am I numb? Because it looks like I am looking for a job and not something that I can delight in when I go to each day. Is it because I don't know what these jobs will look like? Is it because I don't know the people involved in each of these offices? Is it because I haven't found the right one yet? When will that come and what will it look like? How long will this process go on?
In a lot of ways it would have been easier today to go clean out the shop or wash the truck or take a walk...or anything else other than look for a job. Will the numbness go away?
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Belonging
Several years ago when we were traveling with a healing ministry we found ourselves in Nashville, TN for a free evening. We went to see the movie Antwone Fisher. Briefly, the story is about a foster child who was abused, had lost contact with his family and was carrying a lot of anger into his stint in the navy. One of the lead characters, a psychologist played by Denzel Washington, encouraged Antwone to find his family.
After a search, Antwone found his family and was invited home for a banquet where he was welcomed by his extended family...a family he had never known. I was touched deeply by the scene because it hit a wounded spot in my heart.
I thought about that scene again the other day after Pat and I had been in Washington DC with her sister for a couple of days on a weekend. Since we've been adults I don't think the three of us have spent any time like that just hanging out. The crowd has always been bigger and there has been other agenda. On my side of the family we only have a reunion over a short weekend every two years, hardly time to get to know your relatives very well.
In this case, I was the focus of the encounter. My future and the future of my wife were at stake. Jennifer was helping me to put my resume together for some possible government jobs. I value her opinion because she is traveling in that world. She also helped me to work on interviewing skills. I've never been to a high-powered interview before. In most cases I've found my jobs within my network of friends. She grilled me to toughen me up for the stressful face-to-face job interview.
I wasn't sure just what to make of the time the three of us had together. My sister has always lived at great distances from me and we have never spent much time just hanging out. I've had a lot of friends but have always felt a little "outside" of those circles. It was a little difficult for me to get a handle on the fact that someone close to me in my family (that alone is something to get my heart around) would be willing to be my advocate, would be willing to go to bat for me.
Jennifer didn't hold back, didn't patronize me, didn't let me rest easy. She asked me to step up to the plate and consider the experiences that I have had and the expertise I have developed over the years. I believe she really heard me and genuinely encouraged me to consider more than what I have looked for in the past. I guess what made her more believable to me was that she was part of my family, part of the intimate group of people who have seen me at my best and worst.
Belonging to an intimate group of people, who have your back, who will stand with you regardless of the circumstances, who will cheer you on to the greater heights you are meant to soar in...I'm still not sure what that feels like all the time. I catches glimpses of that occasionally, just as I did when Antwone walked into that intimate family gathering and they welcomed him with open arms.
While I may not experience that much in this life, I can look forward to joining the banquet of the Lamb and being part of that intimate family for eternity.
After a search, Antwone found his family and was invited home for a banquet where he was welcomed by his extended family...a family he had never known. I was touched deeply by the scene because it hit a wounded spot in my heart.
I thought about that scene again the other day after Pat and I had been in Washington DC with her sister for a couple of days on a weekend. Since we've been adults I don't think the three of us have spent any time like that just hanging out. The crowd has always been bigger and there has been other agenda. On my side of the family we only have a reunion over a short weekend every two years, hardly time to get to know your relatives very well.
In this case, I was the focus of the encounter. My future and the future of my wife were at stake. Jennifer was helping me to put my resume together for some possible government jobs. I value her opinion because she is traveling in that world. She also helped me to work on interviewing skills. I've never been to a high-powered interview before. In most cases I've found my jobs within my network of friends. She grilled me to toughen me up for the stressful face-to-face job interview.
I wasn't sure just what to make of the time the three of us had together. My sister has always lived at great distances from me and we have never spent much time just hanging out. I've had a lot of friends but have always felt a little "outside" of those circles. It was a little difficult for me to get a handle on the fact that someone close to me in my family (that alone is something to get my heart around) would be willing to be my advocate, would be willing to go to bat for me.
Jennifer didn't hold back, didn't patronize me, didn't let me rest easy. She asked me to step up to the plate and consider the experiences that I have had and the expertise I have developed over the years. I believe she really heard me and genuinely encouraged me to consider more than what I have looked for in the past. I guess what made her more believable to me was that she was part of my family, part of the intimate group of people who have seen me at my best and worst.
Belonging to an intimate group of people, who have your back, who will stand with you regardless of the circumstances, who will cheer you on to the greater heights you are meant to soar in...I'm still not sure what that feels like all the time. I catches glimpses of that occasionally, just as I did when Antwone walked into that intimate family gathering and they welcomed him with open arms.
While I may not experience that much in this life, I can look forward to joining the banquet of the Lamb and being part of that intimate family for eternity.
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